Drivers also aren’t allowed to grimace while peeing in a bottle.

What happened to this country? Disgusting, immoral, illegal things like this are why I use a stolen identity!

And what about the crushing guilt after they get in to an accident? 

I replaced mine with an a la mode button, for the ice cream dispenser in the glove box.

“Do you have it in orange?”

Do I have to solve everything? If the Starliner can only make it halfway, send them up in pairs, dummy!

If only they had pictures or footage of these things happening, they could easily follow up on it later. Sad, really. Nothing can be done.

“What kind of weirdos do you usually have here?”

They’ll copy 9 year old me’s fake shifts instead! Mee-aaaar, brrrr-ow, mwaaaaa-ah!

Another brilliant move by Elon! He invented a car so safe that even people who break in don’t get hurt!

The owner needed someone who could drive sssstick.

“Autobots, roll out!”

Back when I was a boy, this country was filled with assholes. You couldn’t take a step down the street without bumping in to an asshole. You’d enter a room and say “Hey, asshole!” and everyone’s head would turn!

Use somebody else’s fingerprint, dummy!

“Wow, this a a lot of dick pics.”

This makes me proud to be an American. It’s like watching George Washington cross the Delaware, if he sank his own boat halfway across!

You have only yourselves to blame! The police wouldn’t have to hide doing all the things they shouldn’t be doing if you didn’t insist that they didn’t do them!

Use GMT (Greenwich Moon Time), dummy!

“Darling?”

The outside looks ace, but the interior is anachronistically atrocious