You don’t want Tesla hoods chopping off fingers and you don’t what them flying open! Make up your mind!

“Iffa you donna invest alla your money inna this righta now, you gotta aska yourself whatsa wronga with you?”

Hah! The joke is on them! All they learned about me is that I sing the chorus from REM’s “Stand” basically all the time!

Wrong! French Bulldogs can be service animals! The ones that are wear a baguette carrier and a little pouch for Gitanes cigarettes!

You can fly with your pet, but only in cargo.

Pro Tip: Get crushed in to your seat by the people beside you and the seat in front of you, then stew in your own sadness for the entirety of the flight!

“You’re fired. Turn in your keys and pee bottle on your way out.”

Jalopnik was going to run something else, but couldn’t get it started, and this was their back up.

“Coaches should be our Generals. General Managers, they could, but they already are. Nobody had heard of General Managers before I just thought of it now, and thought it was a good idea, a good idea, I’m the best at Idea, and the Generals could Sport, they’d be great at it, they’d be the best, the best at Sport,…

Hurray! I can finally reserve the Pilot’s seat!

This is the most egregious case of government, uh, reach, I’ve ever seen!

So they’re in Celsius? And what will Canadians sit on now?

I saw this crash on my Driver’s Course, in the road safety movie “Mustard on the Highway”.

[Car Company HQ, interior. The CEO and his staff are gathered around the big table in the good conference room up on Seven.]

If you can think of a better way to fix a problem than shooting at it, I’d like to hear it!

The bigger the truck’s face, the more successful it is! Soon trucks will be all face! Front? Face! Side? Face! Rear? Face! Tires? Face! All face!

“If Electric is so good, how come people have such trouble with Battery? AA, AAA, C, bing bong bing, if Battery good, how come you have have to charge them, charge them, they charge too much for a battery. I went, I went to the store for Battery, and when I saw Price, I said, I said, I said ‘Price too much!’ Battery…

On the downside, it’s got that blobfish face. On the upside, that distracts you from how off the rest of it looks.

It’s like a train, but the you spend the whole time a little drunk and a lot shitting your pants.

I also want other people to pay for things I want to have.