Axe would be simpler. Chainsaw, faster.

Just include extension cords, dummy!

Another brilliant move by Elon! He’s Disrupting fun!

This Maximum Overdrive reboot is even dumber than the original.

In Tesla’s defense, Douglas Quaid destroyed the only working Johnnycab!

The thing that gets me is the hypocrisy! You’re mad when Tesla doesn’t fix things that are broken and you’re mad when they do fix things that aren’t! Make up your minds!

Pro-tip: This also works with pee bottles. Send them back filled with apple juice or water. Take that, Amazon!

♪ ♫ The tunnel started getting low,
the tiny ship got stuck.
If not for the courage of the fearless crew,
the Minnow would be fucked.
The Minnow would be fucked. ♩ ♬

Pro-Tip: Give the police hand fans to wave while they’re standing in the subway station, staring at their cellphones.

In the service manager’s defense, he thought it was a Mustang.

Action Plan:

Canadian Auto Theft:

I’m not surprised they crashed the car. Rocket runways are vertical, dummies!

If they’re best forgotten, why would I want one?

The Tennessee DMV first got suspicious when they heard his accent, and knew he must be a layaboat. Now they’ll kick him oat!

In fairness, it was high as balls!

This is like the pizza guy staying at your house until their car is fixed, but instead of pizza they did not bring pizza.

“Faster!” ~ Kids, probably

The only good Rovers are the Irish Rovers!

Begun, the Squirrel Wars have.