Shut up.

What was Jesus’ QBR, and what was his record vs the Packers?

The last payment must be paid in wampum

That’s where the similarities stopped.

It’s hard to overstate just how badly I want Mariota to thrive and Winston to bust. The 30 for 30 on the Bucs’ decision would just be so glorious.

Yoga: for fat people? Asking for a friend that is fat and is also me.

I want to be the first to say that I appreciate the fit of your tank top, the slight crook of your backwards cap and how awesome it must be to be able to transport so many things in your cargo shorts.

This bear was THOUGHTFUL. He didn't eat the strawberry rhubarb because that would be RUDE. Everyone knows strawberry rhubarb is the best pie.

What are the odds of BOTH parents dying at once? Even if something that awful DID happen, you’d have the perfect sitcom pitch. “What happens when two selfish MILLENIALS have to care for seven grief-stricken orphans? HILARITY! That’s what.”

Someone would like a word with you:

Women’s soccer and women’s tennis are every bit as good as the men’s game.

This is nothing. The New York Mets have been pretending to be a pro-style team for 53 years.

It’s not at all, but I understand reading comprehension can be tough when your state doesn’t care about education. Sorry about the massive inferiority complex though.

Yeah that’s totally what I said.

Just so long as he tries to charge tourists $30 a piece.

Just thinking of Amys Baking Company failing gives me so much joy.

“...If you agree to some form of payment that isn’t processed through Airbnb, there’s not much the site can do for you...”

Three things.

You learn something every day, even in the comments of a post about man-to-animal combat.