I mailed a box full of pet poop w. pet poop contributions from my neighbors & family to my ex-fiancé’s office and another box to his home for cheating on me.

I always at least offer to pay, because GENDER ROLES, but also I’m cheap so I’m secretly hoping you say “oh don’t worry about it”

Okay, I’ll bite. Am I really the only one who at least tries to get the guy to let me chip in for half? Sometimes the guy on the date stubbornly won’t let me, in which case I’ll usually concede (because I don’t want to get into a huge argument about it) and pay for the second date (if there is one) or, if we’re going…

You get paid $1 to my 77¢ you’re footing the bill, buddy.

“You don’t even know if you like this mouth-breather yet!”

Yeah, this is me. I LOVE sex. I’m great at friendships, but for reasons I haven’t quite figured out, terrible at relationships (thank the gods for a brilliant therapist helping me untangle attachment issues). The raging, sex-crazed being who lives between my legs is often in conflict with my desire to be in a loving…

I read “vaginal tears” and couldn’t imagine why a vaguna would be crying.

The only one who cares about how much sex I’m not having is me.

YES THIS. I’ll give kudos where it’s due, it was my husband (then not-quite boyfriend) who was the direct one and me who spent months freaking out about it cause I’d only ever dated shitheels who just didn’t have an emotionally available bones in their bodies. But once I absorbed the fact that him telling me he really…

Sorry, do you mean women?

On a second date about ten years ago, I said to the guy sitting across from me, “So, I like you, you’re totally awesome. But I’m not looking just for a fun time, I’m looking for a long term relationship. I mean, I’m dating other people and I’m not saying we have to be serious, but generally speaking I’m ready to…

Can we talk about this font? I know this is part of the new, nicer GM, but I feel like I’m looking at a cheerleader’s pep rally poster. Am I alone?

That simple rule, if applied as a categorical imperative, would put pick up artists and women’s magazine editors alike out of jobs, though.

If that kid ever googles....

I used to work with a very attractive Brazilian man. His name was Rafael but to me he will always be Captain Shiny Hair

When is Evan Peters finally just gonna realize that Emma is basic as fuck and he is actually meant to be my one true love? Geeze. Kid has really gotta get his life together.

I don't like any of these :( I like pointy toed flats.

I don't like any of these :( I like pointy toed flats.

YOU MEAN TONY FROM SKINS. OR THE LITTLE KID FROM ABOUT A BOY.

I miss Fever Ray. Why don’t they come to the VMAs and freak everybody out?

#droughtshaming