US only? This could make some weird alarm clock..

The price of doing nothing will be high for the nation; may be high for the individual.

The price of doing anything will be high for the individual; may not buy anything for the nation.

I don’t even know who I can expose my penis to anymore.

You literally condescended to the write and then linked tweets saying, “hey, don’t be condescending about art.” Well done

I want her to divorce him while in office; cable news would go insane.

help these kids lead long, healthy, fulfilled lives by teaching them the requisite skills to get a decent job. make a decent living, and hopefully stay out of prison

Listen, fellow white person: That kid is amazing. He was NOT disrespectful. He framed his journal entry in terms of what HE wanted. He did not curse or call the teacher names. He expressed his honest reaction. In his journal. Which is what a journal is for.

Nice dogwhistle on the “prison” too. Like he’s destined for prison just because he’s a smart black child. Like racist, ignorant teachers aren’t a vital part of the school-to-prison pipeline. Like you aren’t the problem yourself.

Crisco Cops? Really? Was “Grease Police” too obvious here?

I thought running in and out of the bathroom every seven minutes was just known as “The Arby’s”.

Cool. Hey, guys, I found the representative of non-Americans everywhere.

Ok Bill Cosby.

Make them president!

I’d assume the plan was: marry wealthy aging man, enjoy prosperous widowhood.

No, they got tired of eating it after about four days.

I didn’t know there were milk truthers.

I thought the alt-right already had an official greasy, orange pile of garbage that makes your stomach cramp just by looking at it

The only problem with this?

Another great reason to hate country music. If the annoyance wasn’t enough.

Sorry to be one of those people, but number 2 isn't cool. I mean, he dumped her. That's really not a capital offense.