I admit, I was being subtle and beating around the bush. I don’t believe in the death penalty except in very rare cases. Those rare cases being 1.)Zach Braff and his crimes against humanity and 2.)Being in possession of Zach Braffs face or a face that too closely resembles his face making me remember that Zach Braff…

Scofffffff.

I was asked straight up when I was like, 18 or so ‘why do your shirts always show so much cleavage?!’ so I had to explain that if I wanted to wear womens shirts (in my size)THEY WERE ALWAYS GOING TO SHOW CLEAVAGE, unless i want to wear mens t shirts ALL THE TIME.

HEY, unless there is a no fly zone, THESE TITS ARE GOING TO FLY LIKE THEE AMERICAN FLAG, FREE! *salutes*

Burning hatred. There are few ‘celebrities’ I hate more. Jimmy Fallon and Zach Braff. When I am queen of the universe they are the first to die.

Oh my gosh, THANK YOU.

Thank you! It is about time someone noticed how adorable my tits are. They are also pretty majestic if I do say so myself.

Wow your boobs are stunning!

I am offended.

People are always trying to police my tits. YOU CANT HOLD THESE TITS DOWN!

I had a friend who had sex before marriage and got in two car accidents before the age of 25.

Psh, now you sound like a paranoid alarmist. WHICH IS EXACLT WHAT BIG HOT DOG WANTS PEOPLE TO THINK.

You can tell it is science because it involves a laser.

HARD CONFIRM. your chances of having an autistic child if you decide to have a child is 100% greater than if you had sat in your underwear making your cat chase the red dot laser light. That is just SCIENCE.

And also hot dogs. Not tthe all beef kosher ones but all the rest.

Tldr

I USED PAINT TO MAKE THIS JUST FOR YOU. TO SHOW MY LOVE.

Okay I lied, I love you.

I would hope that in a well functioning partnership, where he informed her of this, made it clear he didn’t want any more kids and took it into his own hands instead of being like ‘Hey why don’t you get your tubes tied, MY DICK IS PRECIOUS.’ that she would respect his body autonomy.

I hate you so much.