Some asshole stole Bartolo Colon’s belt and is showing it off in the background.

Such a play is known as a Kobe, as it allows you to pass to yourself and involves an asshole.

+1 Buttfumble

Way to go, Tyler. A white male in this country finally gets a break due to his family connections rather than talent or experience, and he goes out and fucks it up almost immediately. This is why we never get anywhere.

Reporter: What were you thinking out there?

This is the best series Gawker Media has treated us to in a long time. And that includes 500 Days of Mrs. Jay Cutler.

The 0-3 Cardinals have struck out a combined 37 times in their three losses.

The biggest balls of the night belong to whomever hit the button to drop that confetti.

Neat little fact: the “crosse” in “lacrosse” means the stick itself. In other words, lacrosse is French (or bastardized French-Canadian) for “the lacrosse stick.”

I'm from the south so I know how devastating it is getting the clap from cousins.

The Joe Maddon Cubs are the closest we’ll ever get to the “Major League” Indians and I love it so much.

Can we get some Goose donations in there real quick??

“Here’s 50 cents, kid. Go buy a pack of smokes.”

I am honestly very surprised that this story has gotten all the attention that it has on a national level

How am I your only star?????

+a million of Clive Anderson’s Whose Line points. Which is equal to like 30 million Drew Carey Whose Line points.

Don’t forget the other thing they all have in common: none are legally eligible to be president.

I don’t actually expect him to make the team.

Good Kinja.

Always a killer if UAB is in the tournament. What beats a FUCKING DRAGON?