jfc. It’s looks like if you tried to pee in the ocean in that thing the piss would shoot up the front, squirt out your cleavage, and hit you in the face.

Someone: “You should spend more money so your product is better.”

phone’s got a running app, that’s sports

So...she wanted the relationship to be more Loki.

I don’t know, but YOU LEAVE KETCHUP OUT OF THIS.

Oh my gosh, 3 months of dating is almost like no time at all if you’re not famous. You’re dating just long enough to discover the other person doesn’t like cheese on their hamburgers and GIRL THAT IS WHEN YOU KNOW IT IS OVER.

I need Wayne to get out this contract and Birdman needs pimp slapping. He’s so gross. Why Toni Braxton is doing that to herself is beyond me. Girl no. Ew Birdman.

As a microbiologist I’ve been trying to get people to stop using that shit for years, but I think I finally gave up a little while back. Yay, FDA!

At the very least we should send them a nice gift basket.

I have noticed that white conservative pundits like to lash out at Beyoncé for increasingly frivolous reasons. Mike Huckabee takes potshots at her almost constantly — perhaps the most famous example is when he said that her husband Jay-Z was pimping her out.

I brought my son to college on Sunday. He is lucky in that many of his friends from high school also are attending the same university. The roommate hadn’t left the dorm in three days. The roommate grew up in a very small town and was so out of his element, shy and scared. My son organized a “game night” last night…

The Chargers are that guy whose idea it is to get a pizza, but he doesn’t chip in

the chargers are the guy who offers 1$ in the classic game theory experiment and are furious when the other party declines

Love that @fittea is all-natural, gluten free and dairy free,

Do they not have enough money to NOT do this? I mean, it’s a kind of a gross look, shilling bullshit products on your social media platforms. I’ve gotten occasional offers to shill stuff on social (not at the Kardashian level, obviously), and I mostly never do (exception: causes, friends’ businesses, and women-run…

Seriously Ashely, tellus when your going to be serious for once? This is the time for seriousness. I mean it. I won’t read anything else of yours until I know it’s going to be serious, and then I’ll be able to take you serious as a journalist... and I know journalism!

I finally got the follow from Deadspin and taken out of the greys the day after everything changes. Thanks, Univision, for making me a star!