I have nothing funny to say here either.

I heard the interwebz call me. I come bearing winter muffin top and an extra padded backend.

SECOND. But I'm also going to walk around asking people if they have seen my starfish.

I've been told more than once by mama that the belly button is God's personal peephole into your soul. So I suppose you'll be makin love to the ol chatterbox. Though I've heard that everytime you give a man's personal sword love with your mouth ten of your nightly prayers don't get carried to Jesus.

Being a proper Southern lady I wouldn't have any idea of how to make love anally. Or even what an anus is or if I have one.*

Don't ask the slaves for any help in the matter, she'll just say "Mista Butters, Mista Butters, but I don't know nothing bout lovin in the anal style!"

I do declare, oh my, someone fetch me my smelling salts I'm feeling faint.

I've got my corset tied as tight it can go, the fanning is so I don't pass right out!

Oh my stars! Well I don't know how a lady turns down such a polite offer!

Running low on jerkfucks in aisle 7! Bring a case of them. If a case isn't available, get Piers Morgan.

Dunkin in your cup!

Jerkfuck does seem like it could be a good thing. Hmmm, butthike then, I've been using this word more frequently. He is a butthike.

It won't save my roommate the bail when I finally get arrested for robbing a gas station to pay for my Girl Scout Cookie addiction. Having said cookies become so available afterall.

Hey, I am an anal vergine! Unfortunately that makes me not a lucky girl. :(

I stripped with her, I was Glazedhole. Together we made a delicious breakfast pairing.

Aw shucks, let's have a violent glitter orgy then! Three of em! ;D

"You are only worried about fat shaming because you're fat."

I spend way more than two weeks in front of a mirror per year. That lady in the mirror is the only person who listens to me anymore.

Maybe it's drugs. That would make her slightly more interesting to me.

"Do to others as you would have them do to you?"