I thought the trick to losing belly fat was to read a bunch of HamNo fitness posts about how I'm doing everything wrong and instead focus on forearms.

They're already here. Have fun.

I really want to post this to Facebook, but I'm afraid of the rash of unfriends that will follow.

That is not at all what the article says.

This image is everything.

I've been wanting to use this.

I am going to be so disappointed if I remember this while sober and it doesn't happen.

You think you get it, but it doesn't seem like you do. As evidenced by the fact that you're looking for election results on Jezebel.

I really like Orange is the New Black. I think I'll invite the whole cast over for lunch. I hope they RSVP yes.

Correction: I'm boring, smug, fat and ugly.

Yeah I've used that excuse too.

Nice... the dismiss-all-comments strategy when you fuck up.

Tuna and Miss Kitty have taken a break from hating each other's guts to touch butts and approve this message. (His tuxedo is gray and ruffled. Hers is a classic penguin suit.)

Maybe she's been taking ballet lessons since she was three and she is just not that great at it. Did you think of that, people? I've been eating solid food since I was less than a year old, but I'm still not an expert. I regularly spill on my chest. No, I haven't had a lot of lessons, but I have been eating at an…

Mr. Mao agrees (the curled up paws, I just can't...so cute...)

I had no idea they were called that! I think my cat Chowder is a tuxedo cat. She is so chill though. Like, she lets my crazy-ass two year old harass her and Chowder's like "meh, little human fingers are good too. (I told her she was NOT to be in the baby's room. Not only is she in the baby's room, she's in the baby's…

YAAAAAAS

Tuxedo cats are the best cats.

With "Pizza Sauce" damnit, not this marinara bullshit.