If there’s a baseball God, he definitely would reside in St. Louis too

It’s going to be so satisfying to watch when someone eventually beats the shit out of him.

How did you miss Lorenzo Cain as ‘The Great Cornholio’?

Hawk then spent the next inning and a half talking about his own fighting career, including the time in 1969 when he took on three Yankees by himself. Punched out Munson with a right uppercut, yessir.

When I wasn’t a functioning adult and contributing member of society, I used to have Angel Of Death by Slayer. That turned more heads than Bruce Jenner in a tube skirt.

Also an option: have your phone make some sort of normal phone noise, because you're an adult.

Wrong, here’s the real list:

More like Taepodong-2

The Mets are like a North Korean Ballistic Missle.

At first you’re like: “wow, look how high that’s going, for sure that will reach Seoul and blow the imperialist collaborators to pieces.”

But inevitably after like 25 seconds you’re like: “Oh fuck! get the fuck out of the way!! KIM!! here it com-”

Mets = Unha-3

Old Cop doesn’t give a shit what or where Young Thug is digging, just as long as he pulls up his fucking pants and hits the bricks.

Hope someone was available to promptly Baylor out.

[Wenis Voice]: Something that might possibly be misconstrued as sexist!

“Chris Rock is a baseball fan.”

Just the lucky ones.

Oh, did you get thrown at too?

You better watch it with the disrespect or Bautista will hit a homer off of you too.

You’re fucking high. and outside.

I’ve seen accidental beanings, but an accidental behind the back pitch?

This is the Bautista the Jays need, someone people are intimated by, and rightfully so. Time to put an end the good guy who wants to be friends with everyone in baseball while he’s plastered on the storefronts of Booster Juices across this great land.