This is the most horrifying ISIS video yet.

"Siri, the pot roast is goddam burnt, and the succotash tastes like wet socks. I don't know why they let women live in phones anyhow!"

-Tom Coughlin, kitchen table in the dark.

1. Natty Ice

If they want to expose the inner workings of a dysfunctional shit-storm for all to see, they might as well just air footage of Andy Ryan's last colonscopy.

As a fan of white people in general, I find my loyalties lie with Gonzaga. However I could be swayed to follow Lafayette, provided they shoot an unarmed black fellow first.

I fucking love you.

I find that cascading a mountain's worth of 5 years of student loans and credit card debt is a quicker, easier way to bury your parents.

I usually just refer to Don Lemon as 'My Ninja.'
As his mouth is expertly skilled in surprsing the ever-loving fuck out of me, rendering me stunned and confused.

I'm 6'7". But my dad tells all his buddies that I'm 6'8" because I'm taller in the morning.
He also tells them that I am successful businessman, but all I really do is run an intricate ponzi scheme out of his garage.

And they replied: "Do what again?"

"This is not a drill."
-Eli Manning after 12 minutes of trying to screw in a 2x4 with a toothbrush.

Tomorrow he's going to be wearing a 'Where's the beef' shirt, and yelling 'Shwing'.

The maritimes are a Shangri-La of debauchery, unemployment, great beer, and unparalled resentment toward the rest of the country.

You've been drinking the wrong Alpine, ya galoot!

He's in a better place. (Jezebel)

At least the Flyers are still 'kind' of in it. But you're right, things are tough all over.

The McDavid Bowl!

My highlight of the Leafs season thus far was the fact that the Raptors were on a tear, and looked like a deep play-off run was inevitable. Then they started tanking.
But it's almost spring and baseball season is upon us! The Blue Jays! The Blue Jays were poised to have a potentially great year in a wide open A.L.…

"I half understand trading Jimmy Graham. But Max Unger? You don't trade Max Unger."
-Chip Kelly

You can't tell from the picture, but his belt is actually on the inside of his pants, and he's wearing his shoes on his hands.