His wife must have been wearing a Tony Stewart mask.

Short of Putin sending in the skinned hides of Ukrainian children to use as shade umbrellas for the slaves, there is no way this clusterfuck can get any worse.

Hill then lowered his head and went on to kick a rock on down the road with his hands in his pockets until his mom called him in for supper.

...

I'm 100% certain that after tweeting this, Hertl tucked his button-up plaid shirt into his ill-fitting Levi's, and went downtown to buy a Beatles CD and a Big Mac.

As a Leafs fan, I am really only left with one question: Why? Why couldnt this have been Dion Phaneuf?

Take the money and jog lightly.

Avery: Boy, that pizza was good. But I'm still hungry.

Crying Lady: By all means, have seconds. Oh FYI, I dropped the pizza box on the ground, so now the slices are like, kind of sloppy.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I was fondled, weak and beery,

You're alive? Twitter has you as claimed by Poseidon.

Clearly someone has worn out his VCR watching The Gods Must Be Crazy.

"In my experience, giving away blankets helps to placate the restless natives."
Daniel J. Snyder

This video provides irrefutable proof that his hands were up. The wind should have held off.

Of all the people AP could have had in his corner, he went with Simba? smdh.

Any Zoologist whose worth his weight in pilfered pic-a-nic baskets, will tell you that Grizzlies are naturally curious creatures.

Both teams and supporters need to take a step back and relax. It's the beautiful game. Maybe in the future they will realize, that in order to further the advancement and progression of the game itself, they will need to take a more gentile approach.

Do we pay in Euros or Rubles?

McRoberts then went on to down a fistful of vitamins, and nail Ms. Elizabeth.

That was phenomenal. He kept his composure for the entire 2:28. Which, I might add, is 2:20 longer than any human can tolerate Pierre McGuire.

You started this list off by naming a 'cup' as the number 1 candy bar. It's not a bar, it's a cup. It says so right in the fucking name. Might as well put brownies up on the top of this garbage fire list. This list can choke on plain m&ms