Note to inadequate women everywhere: Why can’t you be more like your hypothetically aborted sister? She would have become prez and probably cured cancer. Hm?

I think I have a few suggestions. What I would definitely not recommend is cornering your adult daughter on the rate occasions she actually comes home and demanding to know why you are not as close as you want to be. Definitely don’t punctuate this point by screaming “I AM YOUR MOTHER” and insisting that it’s her…

True

Steve Buscemi. I have a lot of sex dreams/nightmares. Some of which aren’t really funny at all. But the Steve Buscemi one was. It was surprisingly erotic.

Does Jenny Holzer count? Because I’m just a slut for her Truisms.

Yep, I know. Problem is the closest PP location to me (and I live in a major city) that does them is about an hour away and they are booked up for like the next 5 months. Not exactly convenient.

I started hormonal BC at about 15 and have been on it consistently for about a decade. Honestly, I’d love an IUD or even something more permanent (I don’t want any kids, especially “accidentally”) but I am terrified about going off hormones. I’ve had to do it for like a month or so when I didn’t have access to a new…

Oh hey, this 26 year old (who got the HPV vacc) was just diagnosed with big bad scary ABNORMAL SQUAMOUS CERVICAL CELLS. Which has been a bummer, but I’m hoping after the leep procedure things will be okay. That’s what everyone keeps telling me. But, believe me it’s still pretty weird to be diagnosed with “pre-cancer”.…

“The church was the original ‘start-up’.” -Saul Williams

I get where he’s coming from though, because many men seem to be incapable of hearing a woman talk about the music she likes. I find that they often tune out and begin talking over you when they hear a familiar reference so that they can educate you all about it.

I just posted this on another gift giving guide, but I’m still amazed by it and this post seems more apropos.

These things are for a particular Victorian era loving, romance novel enthusiast fancy lady. What about those urbane, modern and minimalist objet d’arte bitches in your life? This, they need this. I need this.

Uh, something about it just being 10lbs makes me wonder if your concern is totally cosmetic and not health related. Do you know what plus or minus 10lbs can look like on a child? They grow, like a lot. Do you actually know how much she weighs and have you talked to her doctor? Just be careful. I vividly remember my…

Yeah, I sometimes work as a barista at a fancy place and had a woman whose bag alone could pay down a chunk of my student debt say “babyccino” at me over and over as if repeating it clarified what the fuck it was. She finally broke down and admitted it was just steamed milk. Which is totally normal to order for a kid,…

Everyone knows that even in the worst situations you can’t abandon a ship without your cat.

Shit, I studied abroad despite wanting to stay behind for a dude while I was at one of those elite colleges mentioned in the article and I still wound up fucked up emotionally over the relationship years later. There’s no winning! Ever.

My guess is privilege. People don’t think it’s a biggie. I don’t have one,but I’m a broke nobody.

Calimocho and tinto de verano are the most delicious ways to drink wine and soda at the same time and still feel urbane and wordly, because ya know, the cool Spanish name.

A beautiful Italian man once convinced me to put ice cubes in red wine, so naturally I tried it. It’s pretty good, I have to admit, especially on a hot day.

Dont most celebrities have DUIs? Hell, most moderately wealthy people I’ve met have at least one DUI. For privileged ppl it’s almost de rigueur.