Oh come on, overwrought and unhinged text messages are only appropriate when you know the person well enough and long enough to have lost all sense of boundaries and impulse control when it comes to what you’re saying.

I know not all successful writers get MFAs, but as a precaution, and in general for the betterment of literature can MFA programs adopt a mandatory class on not using female characters purely as sexual props? It’s gotten to a point that I have a hard time sticking it out through any male-authored fiction. They could…

Right? I think these (somewhat bogus or at least very flawed) studies are asking the wrong questions. Rather than knowing how attractive people are likely to be if they are straight or gay, what I really want to know if as a woman how does one make oneself more attractive to other women. Get on it science/sociology. I…

Ugh, I see him around my neighborhood more than I’d like. I mean, he might be a lovely person irl, but it’s hard not to grimace automatically at the sight of him. Seattle doesn’t deserve this. Although, nm, this is probably exactly what Seattle deserves.

Dude, these fuckers. I was on my game all day today and got the shittiest of tips. On top of that I had to learn from some yuppie mom what a baby-ccino is (steamed milk in espresso cups) as her two precious little ones dumped salt and pepper over everything and destroyed two menus.

Okay, today’s my Friday, and I’ve had some rosé and weed, but do you think that maybe some people get married or get into relationships because they have some kind of cheating fetish? I mean, cheating only exists because monogamy exists. They are both constructs. And I know, I know, your boyfriend/dh is different...…

Why are these super edddgggy costumes always directed at groups whose ridicule is the status quo? It’s like, haha, trans people get a shit deal lets be awful to them? Wtf. Where’s the Donald Trump costume complete with anus mouth mask? Where’s the dudebro rapist outfit complete with the exaggerated enormous knapsack…

One of my high school dance teachers was a Clippers girl. She was cute, petite, bubbly, and whenever we had her for class she would have us do crunches and butt exercises ad infinitum. She and all the girls in the class would obsess over “swimsuit season” which in Orange County is year-fucking-round. God, I don’t miss…

Ew, fuck off bros. Wanna bet how many of these dudes who won’t read a book by a lesbian regularly jack it to girl-on-girl porn? Um, probably all of them. They just don’t want to respect lesbians, you know, because of religious freedom.

Yeah, the way dudes always think about this is that if their wife doesn’t want to fuck them then they must just have “low-libido” when I’d bet much of the time they’re just as bored of the same-old as their husbands are.

Okay, so his off handed comment about realizing he’s not monogamous, uh, I think there is something else going on here. If you get married and your spouse believes you are monogamous, but you don’t personally believe it and cheat you’re getting something out of it way beyond not being monogamous. Like, you want the…

What about Lizard Person?

Tbh, I always thought “fuckboy” came from those skeleton wars memes... I am uninformed.

nm

Oh hey parents, it’s okay to let your kids parrot your beliefs about how “disgusting” naked ladies are until they start saying all that offensive classist stuff that you say in private... yeah, then it gets uncomfortable.

Call me sappy, but weddings just do something to me. It’s so moving to see these two sincere young people declaring their undying love for their heaps of money and attention from strangers.

Butch leisure wear, femme business casual, androgynous cocktail attire. These are the kinds of styles I’m interested in, not that basic ass bandage dress.

I love some D.H. Lawrence, but I remember reading this as a super horny (yet totally unsexed) teenager was deeply disappointing and confusing. There was one, maybe two kind of hot outdoor sex scenes, but there was a great deal about moist, wilting dicks, and about how good sex is like the awesome power of nature.…

Isn’t Sherman Alexie in Seattle? I am frequently drunk and self serve buying produce in Seattle. Why wasn’t this me?