I feel like the frequency of sex goes up for me right before a break up. I dunno, maybe it’s for nostalgia’s sake.

It’s about fucking time. I feel like I know more women from a generation older than me that kept their names than I do from women in my own generation getting married now.

Uh, if you’re going by what their parents think you are then there are tons of queer people just “haven’t met the right (opposite sex) person yet” and are just going through a phase.

I don’t get why people rabidly defend McFarland’s comedy under the guise of calling it edgy. There is nothing safer than comedy that revolves around protecting the fragile egos of straight white men. That plot line about Ted’s “personhood”? It’s as if they took buzzwords relating to minorities and jumbled them up and…

K, but I’m going to take a guess that anybody who writes for a tabloid is not ignorant of that show. Judging by this feature alone I’d guess that they mainline KUWTK like 24/7.

Have they ever watched Keeeping Up with the Kardashians? Caitlyn (nee Bruce) has always been sassy. We just never call male-appearing straight-presenting people sassy.

So, I’ve heard that to qualify for these kinds of shows every contestant needs an outrageously thorough clean bill of sexual health. Stay with me here, on top of that you are constantly thrown into contrived romantic and sexual situations with people you know are attracted to you and are actively vying for your…

I’ll have to look into it! Although, I just remembered I recently finished Simone de Beauvoir’s “The Woman Destroyed” and it might be my new go to angst read as I enter this phase in my life. I’m always on the look out for well written books by women that make me feel angry and depressed.

So, in various fits of summer ennui I ended up rereading the Bell Jar every summer from the ages of about 15-20, then from about 20-25 I’ve found myself rereading Didion’s Play It As It Lays yearly. What should be next on my summer feel-bad reading list?

Omg she’s married? I had no idea. I’m such a terrible imaginary friend to her.

I love her so much sometimes I forget that we are not actually real friends and that I’ve never met her.

*Leans back in my leather chair and takes a deep drag off my Freudian pipe* Hmmm, tell me more about your fantasies about Greta, Dr Hellerstein.

Okay, so this is kind of tangential, but in the vein of remakes has anyone seen the trailer for the new Vacation movie? I rarely see movies in theaters but recently when I went to see Mad Mad this trailer for the Vacation remake came on. Now, tbh I was flying high on an edible so I might have been a bit more…

True facts, all thin and pretty people can lick their elbows. Do it, give it a try.

Ah god the look on her face. It’s as if she is so sad and embarrassed that she just went totally limp. In my head what happens next is that while the groom is passed out somewhere she and one of her bridesmaids are off in her hotel hooking up because they’re actually the ones in love and eventually they end up…

You know what, I’m totally here for the tiny hot people. Tall hot people, you’re great. But you know who’s also great? Gael Garcia Bernal, Prince, Jason Schwartzman, and yes and Kit Harrington. This might not mean much coming from a short lady, but I fucking love hot short people. We can make smoldering eye contact…

What exactly about a dinosaur blockbuster should be offensive? Should raptors be shouting racial slurs? Should the T-Rexes have a penchant for sexual harassment? Should the plesiosaurs have unpopular opinions on abortion?

Take off that cardi and come at me, bro. I gave them up for light jackets and chambray over-shirts, never going back.

Okay, fight me if I’m wrong but unless you are literally a child wearing it over your school uniform, adult women have no business wearing those kind of sweaters. I can’t decide if they are infantilizing or just ugly. Maybe it’s because women in cleaning product commercials are always wearing them over button downs as…

It’s probably depends. I have v small boobs.