My money’s on Key West

North knows what’s up and South knows how to get down. Sounds like pretty cool siblings.

No wait...I got it!

Working title:

I always tell people planning their wedding to do whatever they want and make sure they have an open bar. You can make your bridesmaids wear tie dyed taffeta cocktail dresses but as long as there’s an open bar, they’ll forgive you. You decide a vegetarian menu when half of your family hunts? Open bar will make them…

God - at a wedding last year, my friend who was like, TWO WEEKS divorced got shoved in there and ended up catching the bouquet. She sat and cried outside afterward. I mean, jeez, a newly divorced 35-year-old has to stand in a crowd of the teenaged cousins? Fuck that.

The bouquet toss is enough to make me skip a wedding. It seriously is one of the most humiliating rituals of modern life. It’s especially awesome when you as a grown woman try to sit it out, but are informed that you no fun and spoiling the bride’s day, if you don’t go out there with the pre-teen crowd while everyone…

just do your god damn hours. fuck. it’s not that hard. i have clients who manage to do all their hours, got to all their AA/NA meetings, therapy appointments, finish school, and find jobs.
and no one gave them a million fucking chances (because they’re all poor foster kids or POC or anything else that isn’t a rich…

Well, I’m disappointed although, admittedly, putting 50 bucks on “Lebron” was always a long shot.

The plot thickens! Are we sure there isn't an evil twin in hiding?

Oh god, ok, Jon, have all of my love, not just most of it.

I literally cannot stop. It’s like a disease.

I’m not sure we know that for sure. It’s been discussed a lot, but think about it:

I’m getting married in 3 weeks (Ahhh!) and we are headed to a sandals in Jamaica for our honeymoon as well. We cannot freaking wait to veg out, eat, drink and bonk like bunnies.

Me too. I know you don’t get to choose which regional market exists in your region, so I’m sad to say I will likely never experience Wegman’s though everyone says it’s great. I am pleased, however, that Publix happens to be my local supermarket. Their store brands rival the national brand versions of almost everything…

Is it creepy that I came here just to read the fucking comments?

Honeymoon was a tropical paradise resort. Felt no pressure to do anything else but eat, lounge, swim, drink and fuck. Our room had a patio with a little private pool. The patios were private, so we would strip and swim naked. We tried to fuck in the pool one night and were like, “Yeah, water and sex doesn’t work very…

You just ruined his plans to NOT have a song written about him. It doesn’t just punish him, it punishes us ALL. Think about what you’ve done.

I am disagreeing on this one. I am no fan of Madonna’s, but I have to say I found her floundering attempt at comedy to be refreshing. It was definitely not funny.. but I admired her willingness to give zero fucks and just do it. No fake British accent, no fancy writers propping her up to make her appear better than…