Catfish: Love. Fat. Heartbreak.

A nation of plumbers, grown twice their normal size from a steady diet
of mushrooms, jumping on turtles and breaking their backs.

John Wick II: European Gigolo.

It's the ghost of Mark Russell. He's not dead yet but his material has been flatlining since 1975.

"Paul, can we have a little isolating believers from their families and threatening them with grave danger if they leave music?"

9" white dildo for sale. Used one time. Still in package. Still white.

The enigma of Kanye: every song is somehow impossibly, meticulously overworked and sleepwalkingly lazy at the exact same time.

But now all of his songs are about you, Jesus.

The Teti Child: destined to edit the entire world.

This is all covered in my fan fiction Seven of Nine And Her Bosom Buddies.

Thanks Tom Hanks.

*lower lip trembles*

So that's Roles Natalie Portman Has Played Convincingly:

Thanks for dropping by, Mr. Breathed.

Google images turned up blue, pink and orange kerchiefed Variant Furleys which would mean anal sex, dildo-play and the very in-character signal for "anything goes," respectively.

According to his neckwear and 70's handkerchief codes, Tony's into fisting.

And by "One Million Moms" we mean 35 paid lobbyists.

Shot dead by Ol' Sourpuss.

Can we get Gareth Evans to direct the Black Widow movie already? After two hours of jaw-dropping fight scenes, we'll never question again why Scarlett Johansson is on the same team with the world's smartest man, a god and a hulk.

If only Bernie Sanders would choose J.B. Smoove as his running mate.