Leslie Jones: "Leo, you need a lady who can make you laugh!"

Okay, now he's just fucking with us.

"Can we have more white widows? And can they be men?" - Hasbro exec.

My uncle Jake Cardigan fought in the TekWar after a four year stint in cryo-stasis.

That was the first line of my pitch.

In other news Marvel rejects my pitch for The Erotic Adventures of Poe Dameron.

Bringing us a comic so good, it had to be sealed in a black polybag, then later, stacked and sealed into a larger, less exclusive black polybag, placed on the curb and carted away.

I always think, "Man, Americans are deeply fucked up emotionally."

Do Germans have a word for how transparently desperate the Larry The Cable Guy gimmick is going to look in 10 years when there's no such thing as a cable guy?

"Who is more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him with a clickbait article?"

You need the 10 hour version or nothing at all: https://www.youtube.com/wat…

I like my Jesuses alien and my homosexuals flaming.

Since they already have the Karen Carpenter version on file, The International Flying Saucer Bureau will need to hear Nancy Wilson's cover of "Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft" to determine how clearly extra-terrestrials receive her telepathic messages before they can reach a verdict on "Christmas Waltz." So…

They were talking about rapiers. There will be fewer rapiers next season.

We also regret to inform you that Amazon is this year’s winner of the annual lottery to try to make once-upon-a-time Lost star Terry O’Quinn a going concern again; he’ll be co-starring in the streamer’s new political thriller Patriots,about an undercover American agent (Michael Dorman) attempting to stop Iran from…

"Videogames are a waste of time. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to binge watch a six hour marathon of The Real Housewives of Atlanta."

"He was the greatest actor of his generation. But in an instant it was all gone. He was once tall, but now he's small. It's a small Ted Danson. The star of The Cheers has never been smaller.

aka What's Coming To Torrent Sites in December.

Only if the pseudonym "Eric D. Wilkinson" is some kind of lazy dick joke.

Martyrs (US): Rated PG-13. Featuring the music of Tokio Hotel, Lupe Fiasco and Taylor Swift (featuring The Civil Wars).