Like say, an actual suicide bomber?

If only someone would invent a button, perhaps based on the gesture Roman emperors used to either execute slaves or keep them alive to see what happened if they fought two lions, to better communicate what they liked and disliked.

"The cat is named Catbert and the dog is named Dogbert! HILARIOUS! It's like Dilbert completely captures my life! Scott Adams is my role model. A moral teacher and spiritual guide. Ha - modern life IS like living in a cubicle! I'm going to live my life The Scott Adams Way and agree with everything he says. Until he…

If I was really into Dilbert, I can say with confidence I would sign up for suicide bomb duty.

#YOLO

Yeah, when will Hollywood make a joyless, glacially paced, over-serious faux comic book movie that strip mines comics mythology while discarding any trace of wonder or hope in service of a needlessly convoluted plot that ultimately means nothing at all?

Bunga is the key to all of this.

I almost wrote, "But Jaxxon was cooler than Jar Jar."

2 minute mark: "Sex Wakes?"

As told by the incomprehensible accents of actual Hobbits.

I'd like someone to surgically remove its constant, unyielding presence from my eyes, ears and asshole.

A movie so special, it could only be released in January.

What's better for your Star Wars mid-life crisis?

The AV Club Drunk History Review: Brought to you by Adderall™.

But someone turned Shit My Trump Says into an entire presidential campaign. #hottake

Andy, who will be 40 in January, is just doing this for his grandkids.

Miles Raymer totally has a crush on Justin Bieber. He wants to have, like, a million of his babies.

The AV Club is putting in a lot of work for A.A. Dowd to give The Force Awakens a C+

Funny, I don't see Jaxxon The Space Rabbit anywhere on this list.

Freddie Mercury didn't like Star Wars because it failed to accurately depict how he single handedly toppled The Galactic Empire using only a pair of skintight white jeans and his magical laserbeam mustache.