Even HIV refuses to work with Chet Haze.

After an all new Chicago Fire?

The poster is Thor and Loki in hoodies, looking sad in a bathtub.

You know what else is good? Shit on ice cream. You take a big old hunk of shit and you mash that down into your ice cream. How can you say that doesn't sound delicious? Why do you have to be such a hater, bro? Well actually, ice cream with shit mashed up in it is a secret work of a genius derived from an ancient…

Slimer's in it, but this time, Slimer's a lady.

I always wanted to create a coffee table book called "The Haircuts of Fox News." Just close-ups of these time-slipped mugwump hair styles sculpted out of white privilege and butch wax.

A few debates back Ted Cruz said, "I'm only 44."

"By following the rules, you're guaranteed to make a mediocre product that no one can relate to."

These could be the very sheets Marvel executives sleep in when I wonder how they can sleep at night not paying any of the artists who created the characters on these sheets.

My Bigger, Fatter, Somehow Still Even More Greek Wedding

And yet, Jason Mantzoukas as a new Mad Scientist could be golden.

There's so many great possibilities for a new host.

She's the most attractive 1:6 scale human being I've ever seen.

with a french fried potato garnish?

The controversy’s origins are lost to the sands of time, but many
believe it was the actual cause of the duel between Aaron Burr and
Alexander Hamilton.

"How far does this go?"
"All the way to the top."
"You mean?"
"To the junior regional distribution offices of The Naperville Gazette!"

"What do you mean downsizing? " - me at 12, after getting laid off from my paper route. If only that newspaper was still alive to answer for its crimes.

"The only sound, the solitary clop of Ivanka's 4 inch Jimmy Choo heels on the same hallowed boards Chevy and Gilda once tread." - Tom Shales, from his 2024 Baby Boomer stroke mag, Saturday Night Live: 8 Seasons Under President Trump.

When are they going to get to the dildo factory?!

**checks header image again.