Ice cream with pancakes?!

You better start stalking me then. I lived through 4 fucking years of that godawful state, and I’m not about to temper my distaste for the place where I nearly died at least four times that I can name off the top of my head. Whether it be by heat exhaustion, too many guns in schools, or good ol’ fashioned bad drivers,…

I love this. This is just straight up hilarious.

10/10 would watch

“BJ and Guns” sounds like an 80’s TV show title.

My best friend still pines for a wanker who dumped her five years ago. They dated for less than six months, but it damn near killed her. He was the perfect bloke until he decided couldn’t commit himself to her or anyone as he had to travel a lot with work.

translation: I RALLY RALLY WANT YOU TO HEAR THIS SONG I WROTE ABOUT YOU LISTEN TO IT THINK OF ME DO IT

He actually managed to make someone feel bad for beating cancer.

Nah, it’s just the kind of movie where somebody wears somebody else’s face.

I might have wanted it.. but then I read the stories and my appetite is elsewhere. Probably in therapy.

That happened to me once in New York. I got out of a cab and a paparazzo on the sidewalk yelled “Miss, miss! You are... ze celebrity?” And I covered my face and ran inside as my friends yelled, “No pictures, please!” We later speculated that I was possibly an overweight Gyweneth Paltrow.

I have no reason to believe you aren't the real John Boehner, so...

Back in the day, I was often told that with my big 80s perm-curly red hair and similar features that I bore a resemblance to Tawny Kitaen from the Whitesnake video. So one night some girlfriends and I were out at a club and these guys were buying us drinks because they had somehow been led to believe that I was the…

Next thing we know, they gonna do a gritty reboot of Smokey and the Bandit....

It’s the liquor talking.

I AM IN AN ARGUMENT WITH PEOPLE IN MY ACTUAL LIFE OVER THIS DISGUSTING BASTARDIZATION.

The other alternative is he learned to surf in a wave park. Or they smurfed the color palette of the entire movie in post. Any or all of which is probably true, but I’m still voting leprechaun, because the only way this movie gets interesting is if he wakes up, steals Bodhi’s cereal and shouts “Faith and begorah!” and…

Okay I didn’t see this movie or read the book, was there a vampire-related reason that they had a creepy Renaissance-baby-Jesus instead of just a kid?