I look quite beautiful in all of mine.

I’d be too worried about cunnilingus conspiracies afterwards.

So did I. Lol.

No.

I honestly expected that this was going to be about someone’s period blood fetish.

I did too, lol. I actually really like terrible & dark humor, so sending a text like that would be a good way to get into my pants. Although it’s not actually hot... but whatevs.

i involuntarily laughed at the 9/11 one

I was a teen working at a Golden Arches

Their*
Sorry, I’m not normally pedantic, but you attack Dunks, you attack my religion.

Look, I get it. The local place down the street with the hipster barista rockin’ the ironic Rollie Fingers mustache serves a great free-trade coffee grown in the northern slopes of Upper Southeast Colombia. But he scowls at me HARD…

I just want to thank everyone for your advice a couple weeks ago re: my job/quitting situation. I put in my notice the following Monday, have since asked to have an exit interview with the board, but have kept all of my interactions with my boss very cordial. We’ll be parting on good terms and that’s probably for the…

How did something so wonderful stay in the grey for so long?

I don’t specifically care which Kardashian is engaged, but I really like Kylie’s hair here. I am incredibly jealous that I don’t have a job where I can have “unconventional” hair, even though I never see customers and am usually stuck at my desk all day.

We tend to shelter a lot of the “reject” cats at my house. (And currently two strays.) One of ours howls all night, probably because they kept him in a cage for half a year. The people we adopted him from were eventually charged with animal cruelty. (When we got him his hips were really weird, and he couldn’t jump at…

If politicians count, I used to briefly work for a canvassing company(shit job, shit pay)and we all got a free ticket to a Democrat Party fundraiser headlined by Howard Dean like ‘07 when he was head of the DNC. At the time everyday before going out to canvas we’d all put are hands in the the circle and then break…

I can perfectly picture this and I’m laughing hysterically.

I’ve never been in much of a position to meet show business* or sports celebrities, but I’ve met a few science celebrities. Stephen Jay Gould was snidely dismissive of me when, after a talk he’d given at my graduate institution, I tried to tell him how important his books were to my pursuit of a graduate degree in…

Encountered Sylvester Stallone who was going out to lunch with Jerry Bruckheimer, in a local pizza place. He was a total arrogant dickface. Being a huge fan of the Rocky Movies, it broke my heart.

OOH! I have one! I was staying with my friend at her boyfriend’s family’s house on Shelter Island one weekend. We were hanging out by the pool one night, and BILLY JOEL and a bunch of his friends jumped over the wall and invited themselves to swim. He was such an arrogant asshole, and was saying overtly sexual things…

made a burner account cos i had to tell this story:

a couple of years ago, a friend and i were WASTED at a bar for some coworker of hers’ birthday party. i didn’t know the person whose party it was (like i said, we were hammered), but we did manage to enough to notice kanye west and jay z among the attendees. the…

He needs to come off it because I had to google who he even is right now.