If someone doesn't end up having sex with a stalk of corn in this season, what are we even doing here.

I dunno. I don't find lobsters and shrimp crawling in my apt when I haven't done dishes in a while.

I'll say it - LOBSTER IS OVERRATED. JUST GIVE ME MELTED BUTTER AND LEMON AND KEEP THAT GODDAMN RUBIX CUBE OF A FOOD TO YOURSELF.

I'm sure he will look like a very attractive candidate when it appears a month after being hired that he murdered his entire family and erased their existence.

Rihanna would never lie to you.

When I was a child, I would eat packets of salted butter when we went out to restaurants because we never had it in my house and I guarantee that was a healthier and less insane choice than eating any of these things.

Artie was just live tweeting a 4chan message board, you guys. It's called comedy.

As long as there are people, there will be shitty people.

It's about ethics in gaming journalism.

I originally read this as "hamsters are the misogynists" and I didn't even question it until the end of the post.

Only one of these is correct. I'll let you guess which.

It's about ethics in gaming journalism, Pinkham.

This is an anal sex joke, right? RIGHT?

I'm glad you said yes, I've logged over 3,000 fantasy hours on this internet relationship. I can't just throw that away.

I wanted to be a fireman. Not a firelady, fireman. I was very specific. My sister wanted to be a cheerleader.

Tina + Arrested Development = plz be my internet fwend?

If my Brazilian stepmother has anything to say about it, all you need to obtain a fat ass is rice and beans and rice and beans and rice and beans and rice and beans.

Homie has been on paid leave since August while facing 32 criminal charges and I can't even get my boss to approve my PTO time.

He reminds me of that pool tech in Family Guy who only needs to wear one goggle when he goes swimming in his pool.

I bet he gets some really good blow, tho.