Honestly, I think that the couch dress was better. At least it was INTERESTING. At least I didn't want to cry with boredom and sadness.

I really don't understand. Does she see herself in the mirror? This dress DOES. NOT. FIT. Fuq the fact that it's so boring I wish she would have a nip slip just to have something to look at, NOTHING about this fits her. I mean. It's the wrong length, for god's sakes. YOU ARE RICH. WHY IS MY DRY CLEANING TAILOR BETTER…

Look, I've been known to rock some black and brown, and I think it can look hella fly, but brown suede is the reason babies get cancer and crops don't grow. That shit is a crime.

I mean. Those shoes. That dress. THAT FUCKING HORRENDOUS FUCKING CHOKER. The Donald Trump hair. WTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTFWTF. This is both the most unattractive and most boring outfit I have ever seen ever in the history of having eyeballs.

I said it once and I'll say it again... if Kayne is styling you, Kim, girlfriend, HE IS DOING YOU NO FAVORS AND STOP WITH THE CHOKERS BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE THOSE GIRLS THAT SNOOP DOGG BROUGHT TO THE VMAS THAT ONE TIME ON LEASHES PLZ STAHP YOUR BODY IS BANGING AND YOUR FACE IS HELLA ATTRACTIVE WTF ARE YOU DOING DEAR…

The only way to settle this is for both of them to give me their yachts. I will stand on each of the decks, drinking champagne in a nautical sweater and white pants as I peer off at the sunset upon the horizon, and in that moment I will know that owning a boat is way fucking better than not owning a boat and who gives…

DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE!?! EVERY TIME SOMEONE WRITES ABOUT BEYONCE INSTEAD OF RIHANNA, A MARIJUANA PLANT DIES. DUTCHES DRY OUT AND CRUMBLE BEFORE THEY CAN BECOME BLUNTS. NIPPLE PASTIES REFUSE TO CLING TO THE SKIN THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO ADHERE TO. CHILDREN WEEP BLOOD AND DRAKE DELUDES HIMSELF INTO THINKING KING RIRI…

I'm also oddly confused as to what part of this would be sexual assault?

Catalog? Amazing. Actually purchasing items from said catalog? Terrible. I can't tell you how many times I tried to get a Delia's Model haircut and left the salon in tears.

When I was 13, I was worrying about how I was going to trick my parents into giving me enough money to buy another mesh shirt from Hot Topic and this is why she will probably end up president while I continue to comment on Jezebel when I should be working.

From the dawn of time we came; moving silently down through the centuries, living many secret lives, struggling to reach the time of the Gathering; when the few who remain will battle to the last...........

Rihanna can never be broke because the only true currency in this world is Rihanna throwing shade on social media and allowing mere mortals to be touched by her soft yet masculine hands.

If the music video of this theoretical song* is not Beyoncé acting/looking/dancing like a high class stripper while Rihanna just throws hundred dollar bills at her I don't even know why I live on this planet.

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.

Look, I rock some Yonce when I'm feeling particularly bey-sic. But if I had to choose between the two, I would throw Beyoncé's body onto burning coals to crawl on my knees and kiss the feet of the one true King that is RiRi.

Why am I reading this garbage about this nobody and not up to the minute information about when Rihanna will drop her album of knowledge in my open and grasping hands?!

It honestly amazes me that more people don't go as Hitler, at this point.

I would like to be torn. By him. Specifically.

I find this HIGHLY offensive. Get a job? Save my money?!!? What am I, some sort of lower middle class horseless plebian?!?!?!! I inherit my money from generations of affluence and continue to accumulate wealth by exploiting tax loopholes and hiding my money in foreign banks, like a real American.

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