Fireball is how I know the apocalypse is nigh, because drinking flavored "whisky" is a crime against humanity and also whiskey.

I can relate. When I sexually assault people, I also turn my teddy bears around. They're important and have feelings, unlike the people I am assaulting.

Preach, sister.

WHY DID NO ONE ASK THE HARDHITTING QUESTIONS LIKE

My favorite aspect of #GAMERGHAZI is that, these people constantly talk about how they were picked on and bullied and their immediate reaction to anything they disagree with or find troubling is... to pick and bully people they perceive as weaker than them.

If there aren't WANG printed condoms to accompany this collaboration I do not want to live on this planet anymore.

These gifs are making me question my sexuality and I'm not upset about it.

This confirms my suspicions that Glen Close is actually the cure for Ebola.

Who wants to go on a mustache ride?

"Annoying OR molesting a child"

I MEAN... LOOK AT WHAT SHE WAS WEARING. IF MULTICOLORED HAIR DOESN'T INDICATE YOU ARE OPEN TO BE SEXUALLY ASSAULTED AND ABUSED BY A PERSON IN POWER, I DON'T KNOW WHAT DOES. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS? A PERSON? WITH RIGHTS AND BODILY AUTONOMY?

South Park did an entire episode about this, and what it should have taught the world is if you hate the pee, the pee will come and find you. Same goes for bananas.

I hope you get stung by a jellyfish and then drown in your own hubris.

This gif is why gifs were invented.

It's frankly amazing that you're pretending you don't pee in the shower so you can feel superior to internet strangers.

That's because Ulysses' is hilarious.

There are two types of people in the world. People who admit they pee in the shower and dirty fucking liars.

When I was in high school, I dated a quiet, somewhat strange boy who smoked a lot of pot listened to way too much Pink Floyd. We dated for about three months until I discovered that a mutual love for narcotics does not a relationship make. The details of the actual breakup conversation are foggy (the aforementioned…

My dad looks similar to Hitler, rocks a mustache, and has a suspiciously similar name to Adolf, and this article has actually ruined my life as a result.

I bet when he did go to brunch, he ordered mimosas instead of bloody marys.