Please caption this picture.

He looks like if Dick Cheney and Bob Newhart had an unholy test-tube demon baby.

Bonus: the words mostly block his face!

“So you said it was 5 to look at it, and 10 to watch you jack off, right? Well buddy, I’ve got a crisp Hamilton burning a hole in my slacks as we speak.”

dont bring your bible to school - its killed more people than guns could ever hope to.

Your dog was a good dog.

I didn’t go on family trips the last couple years because we had an old dog with health issues. We weren’t going to put her in a kennel and I didn’t feel comfortable having a dog sitter, so I stayed home to take care of our little one.

The Raiders Have No Idea What To Do With Antonio Brown

Nah, just wait until year 8 of Gruden.

Have you ever threatened to punch your boss in the face, and expected NOT to be fired?

My Grandpa is a New Jersey redneck, which is my way of saying he has a New Jersey accent but is super racist.

So expecting a certain level of professionalism from professional football players is getting in a dick measuring contest. Ok.  

What the hell do people see in the Vikings this year? They were routinely picked by SI and though I know Drew is homering it up there, I don’t get it? 

America’s last great vice? What about voting against one’s self interest? That still seems to turn a lot of people on.

I normally wouldn’t mention my fantasy football team but [gets pelted by laser-guided mushy vegetables]

Brown will be a Pat by Friday, catch 3 TDS on Sunday, and will go on to break the records Randy Moss set there years ago because God apparently hates us all.

This is the one and only instance where I can defend upper management of the Raiders. Antonio Brown is a freaking troll, he’s the guy who calls customer service and demands a rebate and when they agree he asks to speak to the manager. Antonio Brown is a talented version of Royce White, he’s just a guy who can’t…

I’m a Bears fan, I only drafted kickers

Aww man, I was excited to see Brown run forty yards downfield then thirty-five yards back to catch Carr’s deep ball.