Antonio Brown may not be a cancer in the locker room, but the Raiders are CLEARLY a destructive fungus for any player who comes there.

I’ve got news for about reality television, my man.

“something similar happened to him in Tampa”

Chris Simms initially opined that Brown might be dealing with a fungal infection, because something similar happened to him in Tampa.

“Popsicles!” - Rex

That’s why you use two hands. I have no sympathy.

Conservative fuckboys: they’re just like us!

Real talk, Ben is actually very tall, falling somewhere between actual NBA players Manute Bol and Muggsy Bogues.

It’s a perfect example of how he argues. After claiming that Kobe was one of the best players in 2010-2013, he whips out “25th in VORP for 2012” and hopes that the first two numbers cover for it. Get the hell out of here, man!

Every so often, I remember that in 2018, the Oscars made a Big Deal about it being “Time’s Up” for Bad Men in the industry. They gave Kobe an Oscar that year for his poorly animated self-blowjob.

Ben, my tiny, tiny dude. “Just behind Brandon Jennings, and ahead of Jared Dudley” isn’t doing the work you think it’s doing.

This comment is tragically underrated. 

“50th Consecutive Jets First Round Draft Pick is Determined to Bust.”

“Sorry, that came out weird. What I meant to say was that I’m going to jerk off first and then pop Madden in. Better?”

they have three official mascots

Come on.

The warming of our oceans seems to be producing some sous-vide quality beef among the denizens of the deep.

If every fire-ass Marlins tweet doesn’t end with Derek Jeter sending a gift basket to the recipient, what is the Miami social media team even doing?

“Mr. Jeter, we’ve decided to turn over our Twitter account to our summer college interns.”