“Mariner’s long hard dong caused by Tiger’s huge boner.”

I’m glad you work with so many like-minded people at the AutoZone.

Take your star you bastard.

A bigoted celebrity grifter who pushes far-right conspiracy theories and has no grasp on the actual issues?

Underrated.

Sounds like you hate Mondays even more than Garfield.

Only bringing your crappy comment out of the greys to say, no, I’m not new to Deadspin.

Sadly, I am so filled with shame that I no longer have any capacity for more.

The greatest day of my life came was when I was twelve. It involved an eight ball of cocaine, a handle of Popov vodka, and a trip to the convenience store to “grab cigarettes.” I guess I’ll always cherish the day that my dad walked out on the family.

Vlad and Bo can really mash like their fathers. It’s a shame all of their pitchers pitch like their father is Sidney Ponson.

“The ninth inning of Thursday night’s Cubs-Reds game was a real circus, and I mean that in a good way.”

Shameful. Just another Puig showboating on the baseball field.

Oh sure, but when I comment gratuitously about my male co-workers’ asses it’s “sexual harassment” and “grounds for termination.”

I tried using some similar motivational trash talk before a big race the other day, but the horse didn’t seem to care and I lost $900.

I’ll save you the trouble of a Google search and put this picture of Ayn Rand here so you can jack off to it.

Is Ben Shapiro ever *not* wrong?

This is underrated.

The answer is this guy.

So it’s essentially heritage, not hate? No wonder the Republicans fell in love with Russia.

My friend/former co-worker is a diehard Bills fan. He had to leave the company due to alcohol abuse. He relapsed in mid-September, then again in late October, and then for the last time in mid-December before he sobered up for good in January. I can’t help but see a pattern here.