I don’t know which John Kerry you’re thinking of, but it’s hard for me to imagine him doing anything furiously, especially masturbation.

They pillaged it, but left the rape part to Big Ben.

Haha yes, interesting footnote.

The (not-so) free market dictated Bell’s value. Paul Ryan must be jacking off hard right now.

Came here to mention this guy. He’s always my go-to for worst QB ever. 4-29 TD-INT ratio!!!

This is underrated.

It will be hard to sleep again? I guess even Gruden isn’t watching this team play.

Glad you clarified, I was going to say 15-20 a year.

The role he wants doesn’t really exist for him in Houston anywhere.

I looked him up on Pro Football Reference and saw that his nickname is “Sleeves.” A perfectly fitting mediocre nickname.

I think he ran the concession stand in week 3 and successfully kept Jameis Winston away from the crab legs.

Where’s Latrell Sprewell when we need him?

“He’s the Forrest Gump of teams that don’t win consecutive games.”

Good move ref. Ty Montgomery was thisclose to returning that dildo out of the end zone.

And that urge to look up car crashes is what keeps me a Bulls fan.

That’s why I play it safe and only heckle Little League baseball players, who are too weak-minded and uncoordinated to prove me wrong with their performance on the field.

You are correct.

Pfft, I didn’t wanna pay child support, so I solved that with a little trick I call “never getting laid at all.”

If the Jags fan were wearing a Bortles jersey, he still would’ve thrown a punch but it would’ve been intercepted and returned for six points.

Tell that doofus to go full right-wing hipster and rock this campaign sticker.