I was wondering what could’ve made the ump so insecure, and then I realized he probably grew up being called “Willie Little.”

Boxer, Kid A, and Sergeant Pepper? Ugh, fuck off.

“But her e-mails!!!! Durrrrrr!”

Why can’t all teens be bitter, emotionally crippled, Tom Waits-loving alcoholics like I was at 17?

Two of the next three clips after he bragged about “doing something with a purpose” were him seemingly squaring up to fight a kangaroo and him in a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

Great. So now you’re telling me Tebow has an NL MVP up his sleeve.

Ooh I hate how much I love this.

Just came here to defend Utah by saying it has the coolest airport I’ve ever flown out of. It was a layover and I’ve never seen a square inch of the state outside of it, but man, what a glorious airport.

Moonlight Graham’ing it, aren’t we?

This needs all of the stars.

Hmm. I assume the Mets are aware that Garth Brooks is a free agent now as well.

My heart hasn’t been warmed this much since Don Imus switched to calling the Rutgers women’s basketball team “Nappy-Headed Ho-Americans.”

In the Madoff story, which involves such insane amounts of gullibility on several fronts (clients, SEC investigators, financial journals, etc.), the Mets managed to take the cake yet again.

Impressive, but, the trade-off is that his name is Cody.

I am genuinely surprised to find out someone is still paying Oliver Perez to pitch in the big leagues.

The least surprising thing here is that the foul-mouthed anchor from North Dakota was named A.J. and attended the University of West Virginia.

Me too. Someone has to eat the last Buffalo Wing.

This took me entirely too long to make.

What a crybaby. If Mr. Met ever flipped me off, it would be the highlight of my sad, sad life.

Ugh, go fuck yourself.