As someone who got a token Far Side desk calendar every Christmas for several years, I’d really need some time to come up with an all-time favorite, but one that always stuck out to me:

“Couple of seconds” - ha!  It’s longer than you think, godspeed aquaboy!  Longer than you think!

What seems longer?  A couple of seconds of unparticulated consciousness or listening to this self-righteous asshole?

Holy shit, a perfect reference to The Jaunt?!? I reread that story every few years and now I love you.

But I never took the pills, because they scared me to death.

I didn’t even know the NFL was getting people addicted to the Civil War.

Fan: Hey Trump great speech, really coherent!

I’m genuinely torn as to whether the Patriots are Basically Good for giving otherwise decent guys a second chance, or Mostly Bad for also giving supremely talented rapists and murderers a second chance.

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

Because she’s an indignation-based life form?

Any time you’ve got a Hall of Fame guy that doesn’t dress, man, it’s a slap in the face. switch across the balls.

The part about this very fucking point in time that is making me ill is that when this fat piece of shit expires he will be given a presidential funeral. He will lie in state and people will say nice things and if you dare tell the truth about this odious, disgusting piece of filth his base, The GOP and Fox News will…

I’m gonna get exposed to a flyover tonight and be asked to stand for the National Anthem even though I’m just there to watch a football game.

And isn’t Jay-Z a little passé for Super Bowl halftime show producer?

i mean, the steelers missed the playoffs last year, and the chiefs lost a close game to the patriots in the afc champtionship. would having kareem hunt or lev bell had helped those teams accomplish more? i’d argue yes.

“the recording was made last Friday, when she and her son were at a trampoline park.”

If ever there was a team that fit the slogan: “Not going anywhere for a while...”

That’s great, Drew. But who are the Chefs?

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.