"You mail that in as much as anything Simmons does."

Except that he actually posts one every week at the same day and time, whereas Simmons seems to do so every 2.5 months or so whenever he can't think of a 80s movie tie-in article.

Kyrie is a great player because of season 3 Saved by the Bell. He is the AC Slater of the Cavs, because House and J-bug know Adam Carrolla is secretly the funniest man in Hollywood. No one denies this! I know this because my dad took me to see Larry Bird play. Real fans of Kevin McHale know what I mean.

apparently Brazil's favorite beer is dip

If you are picking up women at a playground, probably best to ask their age.

What most people think of as a soul mate is actually creepy and codependent. People who believe in it buy into the myth that another human being can complete you. It's unhealthy.

Exactly. When I think of Andre Johnson, I think "great receiver". When I think of Cortland Finnegan, I think "that pest who got beat up by Andre Johnson".

At 23, all she has to do is think back like two years to think of what was incredibly important to her then, and imagine having it tattooed over every inch of her body now.

#NoRihGrets?

One of my friends is in a long-term relationship with a guy who turned her down at first... but he's the one who started things because she backed the fuck down and got over it after he said he wasn't interested.

At 23 years old, she's got a lot of years ahead of her to ragret that mess.

To each his/her own.

-ets, -ets, -ets, eh, eh, eh, eh eh.

DINGDINGDING

I guess it's super lucky that most people who have soulmates just happen to go to the same gym or speak the same language or take the same bus or like the same band. My soulmate is a 3 year old in a yurt in Outer Mongolia, so I guess I have a lot of work to do . . .

Yup, this is exactly the problem in society. Romances in movies/TV are constantly portrayed this way; it's so often "dude wants girl way out of his league, keeps doing stupid crap to get her attention, and finally she realizes that she should dump her hunky jock boyfriend and get with the creeper who stalks her" and I…

You really believe that out of 7 billion people in the world there is only person that is your sole mate? And that one person in 7 billion is also coincidentally geographically convenient such that you will have an opportunity to actually meet this person? I'm so sorry that your world is so limited. Why are we…

My dad asked my mum out and she stood him up.

Then some other person would likely exist as the product of your parents reproducing with other people, special snowflake.

No doubt that late on a Friday afternoon, when no one is paying attention, the NFL would air its dirty Landry.