Nah, fuck that. I’m judging away and completely and rightfully so. This idiot drove up to a completely flooded underpass where there were A. NO OTHER CARS, B. CLEARLY WARNING SIGNS/ROADBLOCKS AND C. A GODDAMNED TELEVISION NEWS CREW FILMING THE FLOOD and he thought “Eh, fuck it, I’m just gonna keep going.” He deserved…

I’m pretty sure the only thing keeping the reporter from replying “Yes.” or “Sure.” to this idiot upon him asking that was the fact that he knew he was on camera. I would have done the same thing, but if there was no camera I could easily see myself just saying “...yeah, just stay in the car, idiot. See what happens.”

Given how confused and disoriented that guy was I’m guessing he never should have been behind the wheel of a car in the first place. But, you know, we have no age limits for drivers in this country and no required yearly testing or anything when anyone reaches a certain age/mental capacity so, you know, just keep…

I like the cut of your jib.

I want the Cards to go 81-81 and I want this same type of story for every one of the 81 losses. Fuck you, Cardinals.

I’ve got absolutely no problem at all with Melissa McCarthy. I’ve seen all of her movies and enjoyed all of them plenty (except Tammy, which was utter dogshit). That said, Jason Statham was the absolute best part of Spy and the movie warrants a viewing from even Non-Fans of Melissa so that they can see him.

I don’t know his backstory but this may not be a legitimate problem so much as it’s him compensating for something that happened in his childhood. I don’t know where he grew up but a lot of professional athletes had rough childhoods where they were denied all sorts of “normal” things, some even being meals on the…

They sell men’s neon pink Nikes? Those are fuckin sweet. Where can I get a pair?

I swear I read this headline 30 times as “Your last minute pants-shitting guide to Texas” and I was confused before realizing that yeah, that’s actually accurate, because if I found myself in Texas, I’d be shitting my pants too. Those people are fucking crazy.

They say the best way to judge someone’s character is to see if they get along with children and animals. Like, if children and animals like the person, it’s a pretty good sign to say that that person is a good person. We’ve learned over the past 8 years that Obama loves and is great with kids and kids adore him. I…

Holy shit how crazy is it that after I get home from work tonight and pop in the new 3-disc Straight Outta Dudleyville DVD, 9 minutes into it they mention and show Johnny Rodz? What a weird world.

“If you don’t know The Unpredictable Johnny Rodz, then you don’t love wrestling.” Well, pal, I’ve been watching professional wrestling non-stop since I was ten years old and have been a subscriber to the WWE network since the day it debuted. I’ve watched old AWA and NWA matches, I’ve seen plenty of Stampede Wrestling…

As a Wrigley Bleacher Bum I’ll share my survival tips: when you sit in the bleachers in the summer it’s so goddamn hot and miserable that you just give up and eat and drink whatever you want. You want a large mountain dew in a commemorative cup? Chug it, you’re gonna sweat it out in ten minutes anyway. I’ve been to…

You sonofabitch...

The Thin Mint thing is an easy argument. Look at the recently released Thin Oreos. They suck. They’re garbage. Nobody wants LESS Oreo ergo nobody wants LESS Thin Mint. You wanna make me happy with your Thin Mint cookies? Sell them to me in Subway sandwich sized bricks. ONE THIN MINT COOKIE EQUALS ONE ENTIRE MEAL. And,…

171mph is unimaginable. The fastest I’ve ever gone in my Camaro was 122mph and I live where it’s flat and open. No way Minnesota is more flat and more open than here to be able to do that. 122 was only because I looked down and saw I was doing 122 and said “ok that’s enough.” I easily could have gone way faster given…

“At a coffee shop, I am merely “Nathan.”...” you see, you would think this is better but it’s not. Because my name actually *is* Nathan, and every time I say it I get “What? Jason? Navin?” and then it’s spelled Nathon or Nathen as if any motherfucker named Nathan has ever spelled their name that way. Despite HATING…

Wasn’t a restaurant but I did “break into” the kitchen of a Frat House while in college just to cook some dinner. The frat was having a “rager of a party” upstairs that I attended with a friend who was looking to join (I didn’t care about any of that I just wanted free beer) and I got lost while looking for a bathroom…

Upon getting up she pointed at the opposing teams sideline and shouted “WHO’S NEXT?!”