That’s what they originally thought, but it turns out he was just playing dead.

“I said put the lotion in the fucking basket!”

Secretary of the Navy because... water?

THE SWAMP WAS ANGRY THAT DAY MY FRIENDS

“You know who else was ‘Man of the Year’?”
*Crowd Cheers*
“That’s right, a little man called Hitler!”
*Bass Slaps*
“I’m just sayin’, the trains ran on time, amirite?”
*Cheers*
*Double bass slap*
“But honestly, your children are going to die in a nuclear fire the likes of which you could never imagine. Just...The. Best.”
*Audi…

I’m a Colts season ticket holder and this year there’s a couple who sits behind me at every game, and they obsess over which players aren’t standing for the anthem. Usually during the anthem. Yes, they talk during the whole anthem about how disrespectful it is to sit during the anthem.

I really hope the Mets don’t waste a camp invite on someone who has proven he can’t play baseball at the Major League level. I get that he’s a really nice guy and used to be a famous star, but this whole David Wright spectacle needs to come to an end.

Correct. In the beginning, I was just plain old Godzooks. Then Mr. Nick Denton said he wanted a 20% nicer Gawker, and I complied. When Gawker went the way of the dodo, I was free to be myself again, which is 25% meaner than I used to be, but the same amount mean as I had been.

Just imagine how she is going to react when someone tells her where pistachios come from...

Pussies with guns. The George Zimmerman effect.

Um, being in law enforcement I can tell you that their unclear reason as to why the charges were dropped the first time DOES NOT fall on them. It falls on the state. We get there, write the report, make the arrest of it’s a felony/misdemeanor exception and move on. If there isn’t an arrest / suspect isn’t there, we…

Ascot guy: “I say old chap, they’re now selling discount free-range escargot. How garish! This is what Trump has wrought upon the proletariat! The scoundrel!”

We call them hoagies in Philadelphia. Not heroes.

The best part of these letters is that, for the most part, they serve to show how deeply our public servants care about the cause for which they serve. These people are speaking anonymously and thus have little reason to lie, and what I get from reading these pieces is the terror that Trump will undo the work they’ve…

In difficult times such as these, it’s nice to see Americans go back to the one unifying, unambiguously good past-time that has lasted them for over 240 years: kicking the shit out of the Irish.

Jermaine Defoe went from being so-so in MLS to being the best player a Premier League team (which is obviously one of the worst but still), while Giovinco has been dynamite since he entered the league.

While trudging away from Wrigley in search of a cab home last night this morning I was passed by a man in a gorilla suit, no mask, with a Cubs jersey over it. The name on the back said “Harambez” and he was shouting “Dicks out for Harambe.”

RIOTING in heaven.

Dead Cubs fans are celebrating in Heaven