I’ve always thought Patton Oswalt would be a great host. He’s a dyed in the wool movie fan, he can be self-deprecating and knows just how far to push the humor/weirdness envelope.

No, I’m sure his fellow Republicans were just busy doing regular 2019 Republican things, like disenfranchising minorities, figuring out creative ways to screw the working poor, and literally stealing candy from babies.

A republican caring about something involving two black men is pretty remarkable though. 

Nah, I’m thinking its probably a middle aged man who wears a white Hanes undershirt tucked into jorts which are held up by a braided brown belt. He also wears white tube socks, and the same grungy white New Balance cross trainers that he has had since 2002. His hobbies include waiting for toilet paper and cat food to…

RAY LEWIS OBSTRUCTED JUSTICE IN A DOUBLE HOMICIDE CASE... you don’t hear that one enough

Perfect metaphor for America right now. Nobody but a fucking asshole wants the president we have, and nobody but a fucking asshole wants to see this team in another Super Bowl. Just one more thing to endure.

that phantom p.i. call on brady in the 4th was some high quality bullshit.  

And yet--even with all that time!--Reid will still mismanage his timeouts.

It’s really cool and normal how this country loves guns, guns are great, we need guns everywhere, more guns in schools, teachers gotta have guns, but also if you put someone’s name on a gun, or you take a picture of yourself with a gun, or pull out a gun, you’re committing crimes and threatening people’s lives. That…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

“All because dumbass police that know literally nothing about cars aside from where the gas goes, are allowed to write these tickets at their own discretion.”

HEY EVERYONE SHUT UP, THERE’S A GUY WITH A HUGE LIFT KIT AND A TINY DICK SPEAKING. 

Honestly I’d be happy if they made lifts illegal.

Counterpoint: let’s eliminate the kicking specialist altogether. Keep the extra point, but make it an “and-1" scenario where the guy who scored the TD has to take the shot.  FGs still exist, but also must be by the last person to touch the ball in play.

I’ve been giggling for five minutes over “Kam Chancellorsville”, so thank you for that.

Who can forget Cody Pickett’s Charge, the Battle of Kam Chancellorsville, or the Michael Vicksburg Campaign?

4 minutes of rocking back and forth to gain the momentum to stand up out of bed.

I don’t think he could dodge a glacier.

The only thing Trump can dodge is the draft.

Lol I thought the above comment was a one off, but you’re really deep in this, I was mad before but dude, what are you doing with your life?