“I have invisible sky friends” should be a much bigger turn-off than it is.

“I felt like I was being led by God to go help that man.”

0 years, it is already dumb.

Re #1: Sometimes people can’t help themselves with a specific ex. You can put years between you and the event, even take a job in government to throw her off your trail, but then eventually, inevitably:

TAXES!

I can assure you that I have zero faith in humanity.

So did you steal this from Eli Yudin or did he steal it from you? It’s word for word.

Should have stuck to the rivers and the lakes that they used to

1 is right

Deadspin needs more BJH references.

At least Winston only disrespected a woman and not the flag. /s  

The true tragedy in this is what happens next... In 2012 Winston faced a FEDERAL RAPE CHARGE while in college that he paid off in 2014 after getting drafted... five years later he’s sexually assaulting Uber drivers. Does anyone believe he’s been a choir boy between these acts? Isn’t it clear this man has a problem and…

“I did a business with Jameis Winston!” -- Vincent Adultman

All of this feels so insane to me that I keep having to lay it out and see if it starts to make any more sense, and it never does: Winston was allowed to maintain his innocence

Another great opportunity to do absolutely nothing about guns in our country, that way when a punk band makes a joke about mass shootings, we can all get furious at THEM for making light of tragedy instead of doing anything to prevent it ourselves.

Police have yet to release almost any details about the body, except that he is male and not Jenkins.

Eh. I’m guessing by and large we really don’t want white athletes sharing their considered opinions on race and politics. 

Chef: MY MOM

It does have a feedback system. It’s called elections.