There is 0% chance Trump wants to handle even 10% of what being president actually entails. He wants that title and will deal (or not deal) with the rest after he wins.

Make sure your smoke detectors have functioning batteries.

Carry a gun in NYC? I wouldn’t recommend that.

Wait - is there no fast travel in this game?

I loooooooove not having to open the Spotify app to use it. I use it SO MUCH MORE now.

That may have swayed me. Jesus Christ.

I mean, yeah, this is a possibility. But I eat sunflower seeds MAYBE once every 3 years? If that? It’s a risk I’m willing to take. I’ll give them up forever if this happens to me as well, I’m sure.

I just chomp on that shit and swallow the seed and shell all at once.

We’re really not going to get anything accomplished unless you call it by it’s REAL name, HMS Radical Islamic Terror. Wake up!

Would be nice, but imagine an injury timeout to keep the starting right guard in the game. Not quite as dramatic.

I’d rather not!

I’m with you for sure, but I’m a Twitter addict - so something will get spoiled.

Seriously, I’m waking up seeing articles about how fast-paced the game was. What??? I live near Denver so I feel obligated to watch the Broncos but dear god what an obnoxiously slow, boring slugfest that was. Not even knocking on the defense... that was just a three hour long commercial disguised as a football game.

Seriously - my hick-ass neighbors blew off fireworks until 3 in the goddamn morning while my wife and I laid awake and the dog cowered in the corner. The news has been hyped for every preseason game like it’s another goddamn Super Bowl.

I would turn off fouls and score 300+ points per game with the 76ers using Roster PGuard, Roster SFoward, Roster PForward, Roster Center... and Hersey Hawkins. Amazing game.

Perfect I JUST ran out of bubblegum

Get a dog. Only half-kidding. My fiancee and I walk our dog about 1-2 miles twice a day (2-4 miles per day). We just keep the app open now during our walks and have a great time playing like that.

Fuck you Pat. You should feel LUCKY to have Ian Eagle call your games. He is a treasure.

Thank you for this clip. That laugh was FANTASTIC.

Stop pretending you eat the crust, Magary