I too enjoy holiday burritos. Personally, I like to go to Chipotle on Christmas Eve for dinner, and order two burritos. One, I eat by myself in the corner of the restaurant. The other, I open the next morning and pretend it’s a present (so that I at least have one gift). Then I eat it for lunch, and go out to Denny’s…

+1 dollop of guac for you (you know that’s a little bit extra, right?).

+1 for you, sir. I hope people pretending to be waves are eaten alive by someone pretending to be a shark.

Well, that’s a bit excessive on the part of the Patriot Police. But seriously, stand the fuck up. Take off your hat. It won’t hurt you. Picture the mom of a soldier who was killed sitting next to you. That might help you not be a jag.

The lawyers at Jezebel would like to have a word with you for offering criminally negligent advice to the men of Deadspin. Acting on this would result in broken nose (or missing penis).

Something something something, wall.

If your Chipotle burrito is portable, you’re not building it right. It should require a reinforcement tortilla after the first one bursts upon closure, and should fall apart halfway through.

Hmmmmm. I see your point, but still think it’s a mood based thing. Sometimes you just want a nasty burrito from T-Bell.

I disagree. The inclusion of bread does make a sandwich. Is a loaf of french bread a bread sandwich? It’s technically bread between crust.

I concur. I sandwich must have both top and bottom bun/bread. Hotdogs have side buns, and thus are not sandwiches. And if you turn it sideways to eat it to create top and bottom buns, you are a fucking monster. Neither tacos nor burritos contain bunly/breadly goodness, so they are disqualified.

I frequently pee in the utility sink in our basement. I justify to myself that this is OK, because I say “flush” while I run the water after finishing to wash down the piss.

I haven’t been to many high end restaurants that didn’t have high-end chefs. On the Take Scale (1 being a dog that just hangs his tongue out at you and smiles, and 10 being Skip Bayless), my Take-o-Meter (patent pending) gives this a reading of 2 (aka: my hippy neighbor who thinks everything is “groovy” and encourages…

Agreed...why doesn’t kinja have a -1 star button in order to set the world right.

As long as it’s not one of those cheap ass sets where the knives all have those stupid mini-serrations. Those things are worse than coming home early and finding your wife in bed with Donald Trump.

This bulldick, I say! You slice bread and thick cuts of meat with a serrated knife to keep from mashing them. Also, if you’re not slicing tomatoes with a serated knife, you’re not eating ripe tomatoes.

Agreed. Can we please, please get the salient points condensed into written cliff notes? It doesn’t take that long. These are internet bloggers, people! What else to they have do with their time except label the food they put in their parents’ fridges and not get laid?

I accuse the author of this comment from plagiarizing Kitchen Confidential, but he’s right. You get those good homegrown heirloom tomatoes with thick skins, you want the serrated knife to cut uniform slices. A chef’s knife just mashes them once you hit a certain point.

This is the correct take. The only take. All other takes descended from this take.

Takey McTaketake here. I have not listened to this deadcast (because employed), but here is the correct list:

Or like Steven Adams, am I right?