Man, are soccer guys touchy. I make one crack about your sport, and you act like you got shot. Sort of like every soccer player in the world ever when they get so much as brushed by another player.

Hey...soccer. Well, then. Tried to soak it in. Still don’t get it.

Brings an entirely new meaning to eating hair pie.

“Will it burn my dick?”

Hold on, I fixed this for you:

Legitimate question. Broken bones, I get. But how hurt do you have to be as a superstar to end your season in the playoffs?

Sooooo, I don’t really know how the Jezebel works.

I’ll just leave this here:

+1 Fred Savage.

In his defense, this is a standard gesture of friendly greeting in Detroit.

This clip is yet more proof that Americans are crass rubes for not loving soccer.

Other than the one with Kobe and the hockey player, which I don’t get [takes flack for not knowing who it is], everything else seems pretty ship-shape.

Heeeeeey, how ‘bout that. Women’s basketball: Now only 76% less entertaining than men’s basketball.

This article and comments inspired me to write my first Kinja blog, which describes my method for seed germination. My success rate is very high, and the effort is very low, so I wanted to share this with fellow gardening nerds.

After this clip airing, rumors immediately began circulating that the team was relocating to Buffalo.

Nailed it!

+1 dollar bill.

+1 Radio Flyer.

Meh. Kids cry at the dumbest stuff. Like the other day when I got drunk and told my daughter she was an accident and should try to be more like her brother. They go to pieces over nothing.

Alright. I must admit you made me rethink my overly dismissive statement.