Except audible doesn’t give you rectal damage. Unless you’re listening to Rush Limbaugh.

This might have changed since I was in the game (about three years ago), but if you hear a podcast hawking Audible.com it’s largely the same thing. They’ll sponsor almost any podcast and all the podcast receives is a portion of commission from how many people use their promo code. But mostly it’s so that a podcast can…

Whoever the asshole is who first took the term “detox” out of a medical setting and plastered it on an over the counter product like this deserves to be banished from society.

True, but it is often pretty difficult to get CO status (depending, it has varied over the history of the draft), and often pretty much impossible if you object for ethical, rather than religious reasons (cause it doesn't count unless God tells you, apparently).

High-maintenance friends are the worst! I bet Kasich says things like “You never call me first, I always have to call youuuu!” and “If you were really my friend you’d come to all my rallies.” in a whiney baby voice.

True, but coming from the former Speaker of the House, a staunch republican leader, and scourge of progress everywhere this is sweet, sweet music. He’s a few sentences away from saying aloud his party is fucked and they fucked up in giving people like Cruz a platform. It’s like the sound of a huge implosion and angels…

But -500 points for being, Boehner.

He definitely kept a dry bar and a carton of cigarettes in his office. Thank god the Speak has a balcony.

How old is “Ted’s” oldest daughter? Man, she’s gonna have some stories to tell when she goes off to college.

He was less willing to shit-talk the other Republican candidates—he is “texting buddies” with Donald Trump—but did say, rather mysteriously, that John Kasich “requires more effort on my behalf than all my other friends … but he’s still my friend, and I love him.”

yeah, it’s a Maker’s Mark tan.

Not Alito for Scalia, but... http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story…

Seriously, John Boehner doesn’t use a bronzer—he doesn’t tan either—he is just saturated with bourbon.

It's actually a little bit amazing that a person can be so vile that no one likes him. Even Donald Trump has friends, Ted Cruz has none

you say this like he isn’t drunk most of the time already

As nice as it is to hear Boehner say this, his reasons for doing so are shit.

I was going to say John Boehner has gone up in my opinion, but reading that negated all the good stuff. :(

Oh man. Imagine if we got him drunk!

he is “texting buddies” with Donald Trump

What is this Alito v. Scalia? It’s one guy & his name is Scalito.