Janay Rice apologizes for her role in causing this situation.

Great googly moogly.

Sponsored by Takata.

I hear there’s a near infinite amount of planets, so I’ll be naming planets after each of my personal failings.

If this was Jezebel, the title would’ve been “Entitled White Male Harasses Chinese Woman Online, Gets What He Deserves.”

Please stick to car blogging. We all know which way Gawker staff leans and anything that even barely paints your Dear Leader in the wrong light will be disputed by you. Thanks.

28,000 kilometers is like 5 miles.

Romo’s not fat. He just wants Jerry Jones to have something to hold onto.

FAIR IS FAIR. The horse that danced the prettiest should get a medal and the person that sat on them should get a coupon to subway or something.

F surfing, marry ping-pong, kill equestrian.

I’d say this is a shit show, but the aquatic events haven’t started yet.

Some of those designs make me want to vomit.

In related news, I'm banning hot ladies from hitting on me.

Triple plays don’t exist. They are part of an Illuminati plot to hide the fact that Dusty Baker is a Lizard person.

That’s what she said.

Meat should never, ever be that soft.

I listened to your mother all night long, Trebek.

We need to officially change the name of the country to AAAAmerica.

This is pretty poor reporting, has very little context for how financial disclosures and reporting requirements for public companies work.

I’m no longer in the coveted 18-34 male demographic, but shit man, ESPN is objectively terrible.