I’m pretty sure cloning Ayn Rand’s skin, so he can make a fleshlight out of it, is also another goal he has in life.

I’m sure Paul Ryan will finally end up getting those tax cuts for the super wealthy that is literally his only goal in life. Because no one in this country suffers like the billionaires.

rump: ‘incidentally, my bus- my son’s business is now selling maga-branded hard hats for $1199.95 - oh and your employer isn’t required to provide any safety equipment’

In one version of the game, you even get a GUN

+1 tarnished legacy

Joe Paterno’s son is already denying he knew anything about this.

So are we a host when we have a penis inside us? Does that penis belong to us while we are hosting it? Can we do with it whatever we want? Just asking.

Dads read Magary? I thought it was all millennials and pornstars.

Shoutout to Dave for forgetting to turn his italics off. You’re the real MVP, Dave.

I don’t see him as a legitimate President either. Thank you Rep. Lewis for your continued bravery.

used to be you’d go to the dang game as scheduled and die there from exposure and become an ice ghost and get into all sorts of cool adventures where you’d have to fight the Winter Wizard and get the Orb of Haarj to thaw the last thunderbird and ride it back to the waking world but i guess that time is over

My favorite thing about this election is that the same people who always bitched that Obama was soft on Putin are now enthusiastically supporting a guy who is openly sucking his dick. Excuse my language.

i’m trying to buy a house right now.

That’s nothing. Donald Trump can hit it faster. Bigly. He can hit it 300 miles per hour. So hard. Not even difficult for him. He can do that at breakfast, or in a board meeting or while being pissed on.

I present to you...a genuine...bona fide...Hot taek. Well done sir.

So let me get this straight: The post in question wasn’t written by Kukla, but rather, someone from Kukla’s Clan?

I can think of another new symbol that more accurately gauges fan interest

Watching President Obama’s farewell address last night I felt reality set in. And I cried. I could have sobbed but I’m trying to be strong or whatever in the face of all of this utter nonsense.

WHERE’S MY TOTEM?!

Well, with all the injuries he’s had, he’s certainly not running away from basketball.