I want that shirt for St Patty's day.

“Kiss me, 23andMe says I’m 1% Irish”

Are theme coffins really a thing or just mostly for very rich eccentrics?

My mom thought just like DeVito — she told my dad, “I’m just gonna’ put you out on the curb and call for an extra pickup.” Dad was not amused.

Oh god I just laughed so hard I had a coughing fit. Thank you. I needed that! 

When I die, I want my remains scattered at Mar-R-Largo.

You are in a perfect storm of pain. I’m so sorry. 

Well I tried to make it sunday, but I got so damn depressed
That I set my sights on monday and I got myself undressed

You just let me know who to beat like a pinata until candy literally spills out of him.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Is there a smash room near you, or do you have some stuff to smash? It's not a cure-all or anything, but smashing the shit out of stuff and primal screaming can be very cathartic for me.

Well I would like to ask the Supreme Court to overturn Mississippi (into the Gulf of Mexico, preferably).

I have read all these books, most of them by Hemmingway.

I think you might have left out ‘I am a White Man with a Whimsical Name, and the Series of Outlandish Events that are About to Happen are Deeply Emblematic of the Human Condition’. It’s hard to miss these because they are usually a thousand or so pages long. I have one that I use to prop up a monitor.

I think women understand men and where their heads are at a whole lot better than men understand women. Because we have to.

Gretna Green prepares for its greatest moment.

Fucking ugh 17 year old me is still scarred. Like 200 pages about tumbleweed and 1 page of suckling octogenarians.

A square or emerald cut gem is ageless. I would love an emerald cut diamond. Big and plain.

At least they pressed it. The original pictures looked like it was shoved at the bottom of the closet and Diana decided to wear it. (Yeah, I know, it’s a *lot* of dress to be crammed into a coach, but come on! Look at how horribly wrinkled it is in that picture of her with Charles!)

I don’t think that dress is cursed. Look at that thing.The good fairytale wishes of nearly the entire world were directed towards that dress and the woman who was in it. It is filled with hope & yeah, a fair bit of naivete but still.

I wonder if the age you were at the time of the wedding has anything to do with what you thought about the dress. I was 5, and remember thinking that she looked beautiful, but then again, to a 5-year-old, just about any bride is a bona fide princess. Hell, I thought both my aunts looked gorgeous, and their dresses are…