To all you commenters...

Yeah, damn talented youths! Get off our lawn.

But seriously, though? What if he has no writing talent? It’s OK to “just” be a singer. Beyoncé, Adele, Diana Ross, Elvis, Whitney Houston, Frank Sinatra don’t always write/didn’t always write their own material. Some of these singers almost never did. Even Elton John often…

Dear Society,

Ivanka Trump always talks like she’s doesn’t want to be rude, but she’s really pissed that you’re going to wake the baby.

Oh wow.

Also, can we all agree that no matter where you fall on this controversy, the saddest part for all Muppets fans is realizing that, almost 30 years after the fact, we are still no more over Jim Henson’s death than we were in 1990?

“Kentucky Town’s Pit Bull Mayor”

Traffic in CT is pretty much confined to 95, which is nowhere near my snug little corner. As for massive income inequality, yes. But having lived in NYC, NJ, and Los Angeles I’m sadly used to it.

You’re just jealous of our beautiful rolling hills, charming towns, and proximity to both NY and Boston.

Precisely. They’re not oppressing you, Johnny...

We can be wrong together...

Flustered or indignant? Because I could very easily see this

“We’re not going to remove anything... except for the bridges of our noses. Those cannot be allowed to stand. Raze those fuckers to nothing. Contour away all trace of whatever may remain.” 

I seem to recall some scuttlebutt over him getting one post-divorce, yes. But before then the past decade he’s allegedly gone without.

As I recall, he has famously not had an official PR person, at least not for the duration of his relationship with Jolie.

I seriously came to the comments to see if I was the only person who IMMEDIATELY saw this...

Guitar Workshop by any chance...?

Wasn’t it used to preserve evidence on his clothing?

Absolutely. No matter what way you shake it out, if it was a wanted pregnancy it’s a really shitty situation. (And even if it wasn’t a wanted pregnancy, feelings can be complicated.) I honestly don’t feel like there’s a right or wrong way to go about announcing one’s pregnancy, I just feel like we need to shake up…

So taking this conversation in a weird, probably-more-serious-than-you-were-ever-thinking turn, but I’ve long ago accepted my lot in life as a total (good-natured) buzzkill...