No, “Everything happens for a reason” people are the WORST people. I agree with the rest of your list though.

AHAHAHAHAHAHA*sob*...

Hopefully a comedian will mention this during his act in about 20 years so people will pay attention.

I regularly call out “Oooh baby!” an a twee baby voice every time I see a dog. And all dogs are puppies. The grizzliest beasts with pure while muzzles and cataracts and ganglion cysts are still widdle baby puppies to squee at and cuddle.

Team Cat people, let me also assure you that my reaction to every cat in the world is ‘I must rub my face in its belly fur’ because KITTIES.

Tom Hardy is obviously very handsome and talented but my absolute favourite thing about him is how much he loves dogs. I say this as someone who went out with a friend a couple of days ago and kept interrupting her (sorry!) to point out dogs and I was like ‘Every time I think I have seen the best dog, I see a better…

The idea that corporations must be profiting exorbitantly for science and technology to advance is so patently false it makes my head spin.

“But if you don’t play your cards right, we won’t marry you!”

Dude, that’s the definition of playing my cards right. Nobody wants to be married to any of those guys.

Fox News continues to avoid answering charges that they’re fascist extra terrestrials or possibly some sort of Nazi Hell beasts seeking to annihilate all sentient life on Earth.

Is this secretly a photo of Bill O’Reilly without his makeup on? Just asking questions.

Saint Lucy’s all “did it first, bitch.”

There are some cats who look like Eric Dane. Those cats are not this cat.

I really want to post the entire “Softest Rappers Alive” description of Tyga from Ghostface Killah but I don’t know if it’s appropriate. Therefore I will cut and paste just a few gems and you can google the rest:

Duh, how do you think Cheney got that heart replacement???

I would have been cutting out that form and sending away for my FREE VOLUME immediately. I’m definitely one of those women. No shame.

*pounds on the side of the invisible box Anna is trapped in*

Anti-Abortion Activists Climb Into Trash, Realize They’re Finally Home

This is like the first time the pet looks like the celebrity.

Dukes to Watch Out For

Goodnight Mommy got my vote for the first great film of 2015. I have high hopes for The Witch (which I am already calling La Bruja). But we have to wait a few months (unless it comes to Scary Movies 9 at Lincoln Center this November, then woo hoo!!). If you live in New York, you have to come to Scary Movies 9. Their…