I don't waste my smiles on people I haven't fucked at least twice.

DTS ("down to smile [at]").

French Montana. What's the matter, Butte isn't good enough for her anymore?

Let's count the number of things that have been blamed for causing violence:

Does nobody remember the creepy weird urban legend horror stories from before us? Bloody Mary? Candyman? Etc.

Hey, if a certain celebrity didn't want to receive my death threats via twitter he'd knock it off with all of the pretentious moralizing and phony activism and just let me have some of some of his goddamn Trix.

The problem that I have with these self defence/anti-rape products is that they work on the premise that your rapist is going to be a stranger in a dark alleyway, when the vast majority of the time its a friend or member of the family. It's a sad reality that we need to be conscious of our safety when out in public,…

You tell 'em, Grumpy Cat.

Great question! I guess I'll have to go with Cumberstone, so when I ultimately leave him for Idris Elba the tabloids can say "Cumberstone becomes Cumbersome."

To be fair Dodai, I would rate sitting in a bathtub of white cake frosting as minimally a solid B, unless of course it was fucking cream cheese frosting (which is an abomination of cupcakery) in which case it would be the lowest fucking F you could give.

This caused me to have a Twitter meltdown yesterday. It is now confirmed verbally: conservatives believe that victims of gun violence are necessary collateral damage to their "right" to own personal firearms.

Don't worry, in a few years he'll be living in the hills, only coming down into civilization to steal a chicken or two. And the locals will tell stories to their children of the crazy wild old man who will steal them away to HateLand if they don't eat their vegetables.

I'm so happy someone else remembers it! I thought that maybe in my painful stupor I made it up! How about when they had to design their own dresses for the ball? They were the worst!

Don't think of it as human slaughter. She's merely consciously uncoupling your head from your neck.

Dodai, you owe me a glass of pinot (Ramona! Not) and a new keyboard for "Doily-Mothra realness."

The title made me think the bear and the moose ganged up to attack one woman and afterward, they highfived each other

Did anyone else's afternoon brain substitute "Moose and Squirrel" there?

Typically American NIMBYism. Everyone's cool with the right to bear arms until the bears arms are clawing at you.

OMG, these people are fucking insane. A VAGINA IS NOT A CLOWN CAR - give it a rest already you stupid bitch, and your collaborator, too.

and that they hated each other