Just as when Jesus came to Jericho and saw Zacchaeus in the tree. Jesus addressed him by name and said, "I cannot in good conscience have dinner with you. Ugh, tax collectors are the worst. I hope you see the dinner your tax collector choices made you lose out on, and plan accordingly. You are all corrupt bastards."…

right? & what's up with those tacos?!?

This display is crap, everyone knows that baby intestines taste TERRIBLE on tacos.

All Harry Nilsson, all the time!!

But did they invite the sloths? Can we still hope for a sloth ring bearer?

Uh, no, it's stoatally different.

"I will present myself as an example that it’s possible to have fun without being drunk."

I even brought in my kitchen clock to set it to the work clock. Another coworker seemed to have the same problem. As bonkers as it sounds, we finally realized that she was setting the clock back to trip us up.

Why so many shoes?

Cancer trials do not have a placebo arm (that would be Nazi-level unethical), instead patients are given the "current gold-standard therapy", or if she enrolled in an Phase I trail, everyone would have been given the experimental drug.

I'm afraid I have to dash those hopes. I basically hot told, "Women aren't in combat, you must be lying." It took ten years of my life, three senators, two governors, three lawyers—-one of whom quit because she felt it was a losing case——countless vets' organizations, and four suicide attempts, but I eventually won.…

Yeah, that's the thing. It doesn't matter who says 'it's a lie,' they still have to call the cops and file a report about the incident. Period. It's not supposed to be up to them to decide, ever. You're supposed to call the police, who are supposed to call in a counselor. I am two counties away from this place; we've…

The teachers thing kills me. There's a law that requires teachers to report shit like this. My mind is blown by that.

When my company came back from Iraq a general ordered a bunch of colonels to guard the incredible number of firearms we'd carried with us and the rest of us were loosed to stretch our legs. Some people didn't bother to leave their sidearm holsters behind on what was, at the moment, the World's Most Heavily -Armed and…

I had an ex who would lie about EVERYTHING. Fucking everything.. I remember asking what he had for breakfast once (can't remember why) and he told me he made an omelette. I then went into the kitchen and wound a wrapper of some kind. When I asked, he flat out admitted he had lied about the eggs. I was baffled. Because…

A hole in his penis?! That's the best thing I've ever heard in my life. It's so stupid.

We had a new guy start working in our office and it quickly became apparent he was interested in me because he would creepily hang out at my desk and try to chit chat in Spanish, which he thought was fun because no one else in the office spoke Spanish. It wasn't. It was weird. He would ask me about my hair and if I…

Bruce Jenner and his daughters, Kendall and Kylie Jenner, both of whom were glad in conceptual golf outfits, flipped off the paparazzi in the wake of the separation news.