Dachshunds are for hunting badgers. That is what they are for, and they are damn good at it. No offense, but as house-pets I would say they are easily among the bottom 5 worst breeds.

"She also masturbates and lumbers toward adults males "rear end first" (quick, ladies, file this away as a good meet-cute tip). Mei Xiang is in charge of her sexuality. But poor bewildered Tian Tian doesn't know what to do with himself."

It is — that's how we got Tai Shan and the new baby panda (and the stillborn twin and the one from a year or two ago who died after a day or so). They always try to get the pandas to fuck, then they go "oferchrissakes, Tian Tian!" and inseminate her instead.

Possibly the best joke I've seen on Jezebel.

However, unlike Blade Runner, anal sex is vastly improved when narrated by Harrison Ford.

ALL OF YOU INNOCENT TYPES THAT BUTTER WOULDN'T MELT IN YOUR MOUTHS I will answer all of your questions about "WTF is that typeof porn???"

An idiot friend of mine in the upper Midwest had one as a house pet in the early sixties. It was a lot of fun to pet and have purring on your lap, but as a tropical animal it succumbed to pneumonia in the winter, but not before peeing on everything he owned.

Ocelittle.

I've been reading this book about Jane Mecom, Benjamin Franklin's sister. There's this one part that is hard to believe. Apparently back then, in the olden days, when much of the populace was illiterate, and ruled by superstition and Bible passages, they believed that a woman couldn't get pregnant from rape.…

Kendrick Lamar...Jermaine Cole, Big K.R.I.T., Wale, Pusha T, Meek Mill, A$AP Rocky...Big Sean, Jay Electron', Tyler, Mac Miller... Joe Budden

I had school tormenters as well. I've thankfully managed to get them nearly all out of my life by having a pretty strict "if I don't like you in real life, you aren't on my Facebook" rule. My 10 year high school reunion was canceled, much to my glee (I hated high school.) I am conventionally, intellectually,…

"You never see two balls in one line."

What the hell, Amber Tamblyn? You're so much better than that show. Did one of the producers help you cover up a murder or something??

Rick Santorum is absolutely right. They are fucking ruining the heretofore pristine reputation of the YMCA, which used to be such a nice place to get yourself clean, have a good meal, and just do whatever you feel.

"these blacks just don't get my yoga."

If you are interested in crime scene miniatures and have a few hours to spend down a rabbit hole, google "Nutshell Studies" and Frances Glessner Lee. Her work was groundbreaking and eerily beautiful.

“You don’t use the justice system to deal with fears of future conduct due to mental illness,”

Or for the tentacle Hentai fans out there...

Last night my son watched the Malece/Tall Ballroom Guy "hip hop aliens visiting a new planet to spread funkiness" routine with us and piped up with, "They can't do that! That would violate the Prime Directive!"

HAHAHAHAHA someone at work once tried to give me one of these stupid things! Like 'OMG Burt, look how tiny and precious this is, can you believe this is what a baby actually looks like when it's in your belly?" trying to be all sly about talking about this shit to co-worker. I dropped it on the floor, stomped it with…